oh beautiful sandwich of the grilled cheese how could i have forgotten about you yesterday. you with your wonderful cheesiness nestled between two toasty pieces of bread. i love you. you are warm and fuzzy and make me feel good. i love dipping you in ketchup. i love you with processed cheese or block cheese. cheddar or mozzarella. it doesn't matter. i love you on your own but i especially love you paired with some campbells cream of mushroom soup.

you are truly my comfort food.

another day another post.

not much to report. i've been in a shitty mood for the past week or so. i ranted about it on my message board and have been feeling a little better. i'm still packing away. i think i'm about 3/4 done. i can't wait to move. living in limbo like this sucks ass.

i've been paying attention to what we've been eating in restaurants or at other peoples houses and what we used to eat in the past and i'm trying to compile a list of dishes so menu planning is hopefully easy (easier?) for me.

things we order in restaurants all the time:

nachoes
chimichangas
chickens wings of all types (honey garlic, barbecue, hot, gold, lemon pepper)
bruschetta
lasagne
pizza
ceaser salad
lemon rice soup
greek salad
chili
spaghetti with meat sauce
tomato, cucumber, feta cheese salad
THAT salad with strawberries and goat cheese
tacos
potato leek soup
spicy chicken salsa soup
chicken fingers
pasta e fagioli soup
minestrone soup
cheese burgers

i stepped on the scale at my grandmas today. it said 245 pounds. so i'm creeping back up there. damn.

i'm not sure how i feel about it. i feel fat and gross and clumsy. if i'm laying on the couch sometimes it takes so much effort to get up off of it. it makes me feel like a whale.

i'm in the middle of packing the place up. we're starting to live in box hell. i hope we're able to get in a few days earlier so i can get out of here and into the huge apartment!

hah. how many times am i going to come up with a new plan?

we're moving at the end of the month. yep, that's right we're moving out of the folks house into our own apartment. it's a very nice 2 bedroom apartment. 1000 square feet. an outdoor pool. a balcony. all for a reasonable price.

this is my plan.

right now i can't commit to anything. i realize this. my anxieties & phobia are slowing down but they're still there. we're living in chaos right now.

but, come august 1st. i am back on plan. promise.

i am fat.

this needs to change.

i accomplished the 8 glasses of water yesterday.

i'm currently working on todays 8.

i did not get the job. they choose to move up one of the girls that already work in that office. her job is not being posted but is being kept open to place somebody there (ie. someone returning from mat leave, someone whose position was cut). i also learned today that the person who replaced me on my mat leave was not to their liking and has not stayed for my leave of absence. she was slightly bizarre and not up to task. interesting. i really do not want to return to my old position (hence applying for different schools) but perhaps they will now appreciate me slightly more if i do indeed have to return there? hope so.

my lovely union voted on our contract last night (which i did not know about b/c people on mat leave do not get to participate, apparently?). they passed a new ordinace saying that you have to work 12 months after your mat leave or else pay back the top up (which totally makes sense, but why couldn't they wait another little bit to pass this?). b/c i was planning to quit if i couldn't find another position. drat. now i'm stuck here for a year. sigh.

i'm totally rambling right now...this is so not weight loss focussed anymore. sorry guys.

today i will drink 8 glasses of water.

that is all.

i'm thinking about returning to this thing called weight loss. i don't think i'm ready to come back full on...but i'm thinking about it and you guys more and more. money is very tight right now with me not working and not being on mat leave anymore. S got a speeding ticket 2 weeks ago and our car seems to have broke last night. so money is even tighter now. sigh.

i went for a job interview on friday. if i get the job i probably wouldn't start until augustish but it's a pay raise and it's right by the baby's daycare. send some good vibes my way everyone. they're going to let me know on monday, either way.

the in-laws have left and i survived their vacation here. we ate out everyday for 2 weeks though. that cannot be good for my waistline. sigh. i haven't exercised in god knows how long. me and the baby have gone for some walks though at least i haven't stopped that.

i'm on the waiting list to see a counsellor through a free program at the St. Boniface hospital. that's the good news. the bad news is wait times are about 10 months. they're hoping that just after christmas they'll be able to send me an appointment time for the spring. gah, stupid waiting times.

damn those 35 cent chicken wings covered in beautiful spicy honey sauce. damn that MGD with Clamato juice. damn them all. ugh.

i haven't posted in a long time. things have spun out of control for me. my phobia has crept back into my life and i've been trying to deal with it. i'm terrified of beetles, especially beetles in my house...and well i've found a few (make that 12 in 2 months). i'm terrified to go in my kitchen b/c that's where i've found the majority of them. so needless to say eating has not been going well.

S's parents are also visiting from england so i've been very busy with them. they are totally in love with the baby and have been spending most days just playing with him. we've been eating out a lot and eating at my grandparents house quite a bit too.

my mat leave got screwed up and ended sooner than i was expecting it too. that caused a large blip in my life. it's hard to know that money you were expecting isn't going to be coming anymore.

i'm taking a break from ww and eating well. i step on the scale every once in a while and i seem to be maintaining so that's good. i don't have much to say, i just wanted to let everyone know i'm still alive and sort of kicking.