i've been feeling sick all week. at first i thought it was the flu but then i started to think it was a cold and then my throat started to hurt and then it started to feel like a sinus infection. i'm blaming it all on the baby. he's been sick this week too and he's infected me i'm sure of it. needless to say my eating habits have not been good this week and i've not kept up with my water. i can't remember the last vegetable i ate. however, every time i step on my scale it says a lower number. on some level i know it's not permanent weight loss and it's just that it's just sickly-my-body-is-fighting-illnes-weight-loss and i'll gain it all back when i'm feeling better. i just wish it wasn't that way.

however, DayQuill and NyQuill are my new best friends. i'd have to say DayQuill is my first best friend and NyQuill is my second best friends.

it's great not being pregnant or nursing. i suffered through so many colds where i couldn't take anything. i'm loving the over the counter drugs.

all i have to say is DOWN 3.2 POUNDS.

i don't know how, but i was down. that brings my official ww weight to 237 pounds. i don't even remember the last time i was in the 230's. walking to the meeting i kept having to pull up my capri's which were always big on me (i got them right after i gave birth) but never this big. if i sucked in my belly they were going to seriously fall off. i think they should be retired but i love them so much and they're my only pair. i think i'll have to be purchasing another pair in a smaller size. :)

other than that nothing too interesting is happening. me and S are sickly, while the baby has somehow stayed healthy(ish). he does have a runny nose, but that's it. me and steve have this flu/cold/ulcerish thing. it sucks.

i've been very blog deliquent, the baby doesn't nap as much as he used to. it's getting harder and harder to sneak on here during the day to see what everyone's up to. i guess this is a sign of him growing up and getting older. time is sure flying.

my hitched bitch (kinda like secret santa, but in the middle of summer from my favorite message board www.hitched.ca) sent me about 8 back issues of the weight watchers magazine. i'm so looking forward to reading them. i'm going to save them and read them in the tub i think. a nice relaxing soak with a nice motivating read. thanks again to my wonderful bitch! :)

well the weekend was a bomb...again...as usual...yada yada yada. we ate out and got take out and i didn't exercise.

but all that aside, i stood on my scale this morning and it said 239. my scale has not said below 240 in years and years and years. i know the ww scale and my scale never agree (i think mine weighs higher) but at least it's a start, right?

i think i'm going to go to the weigh in on wednesday morning. if i do that then it's an excuse to walk to the meeting. if i go on tuesday nights i take the car b/c it's here and b/c it's nightime and i don't want to be walking around my neighbourhood by myself at night. it's about a half an hour walk and the baby loves walks so we're going to give it a try. and there's not as many people at the meeting. last week i think there was a dozen or so vs. the 75 people at the tuesday night one.

yesterday i had:

**2 glasses of SPRITE (the regular kind)
**1 glass of A&W ROOTBEER (again, the regular kind)
**1 glass of ICED TEA (yet again, the regular kind)

eeks, egads. that's 12 points right there. oh the sin, the sin.

say it with me now folks....diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet....

on the plus side i have a non-scale victory to report. yesterday i tried on some pants that i haven't been able to fit since before i was even pregnant. they were always tight. well yesterday they fit. and they weren't tight. i got so excited that i tried on the shirt that i always wore with it that hadn't fit properly long before the pants stopped. and the shirt frickin' fit!!!!! fuckin' A. so raegan if you're reading this, i'm going to wear it out saturday morning. you can tell me if it looks okay or if i'm kidding myself, right?

so today i was down 1.8 pounds making my official weight watcher weight 240.2. i am happy that i had a loss this week...2 weeks of gaining and maintaining was beginning to suck.

i keep having this feeling that weight watchers isn't cutting it for me anymore. like i want to try something new, something different, something exciting, something cheaper. mainly something cheaper. here we are trying to save money and live more frugally and in five weeks i'm going to need to shell out more money for this endeavour...i just feel like i can't justify it. i could gather some of my friends that are doing various weight loss things and we could all buy a good scaled and go by what it says at a weekly meeting, right? i just don't want to keep throwing my money at the big fat ww conglomerate. sigh. le big sigh.

i've been fairly deliquent on commenting on everybody's blogs. i was kind of sick this week and with easter on the weekend i've just been a busy, busy bee. i do read them though and i'm glad everyone is doing so good. you girls rock!

note to self:

don't make blogger posts when drunk.

i feel like crap today. ugh. i can't believe i drank that much.

16 glasses of wine later and i don't think i'm going to lose weight this week. and add on top of that 2 family dinners, 1 church event, 1 time eating out at fabu restaurant, and poor home eating habits i'm definitely not going to lose weight this week.

at my last weigh in i was up.

yep, that's right i was up .6 pounds. which i know is not much, but it's still a gain. i was so sad after that i almost turned around and went home. i even almost started crying. it sucked big time. but i stayed and listened and started to put things into perspective. i didn't journal. we ate out way to much. i didn't make healthy drink choices. i should have seen it coming, but i can pull the wool over my eyes like you wouldn't believe. i can make myself believe whatever i want. i wish i could live in reality. i wish i could really look at my life and my eating habits and see them for what they are--disgusting. i know this is a long road and it will take time to learn to eat properly and healthily. i just wish it could happen now. sigh.

but enough of that...

me and S and went for the most wonderful supper tonight at an italian restaurant. we had bruschetta (which the baby loved) and lasagne (the baby loved that as well). the lasagne was made with lean beef and medium italian sausage so it had TASTE and there was a layer of zuchini as well. the cheese was phenomenal as well. i don't feel too guilty b/c we walked there and back. it was 45 minutes there and then on the way home it was well over an hour b/c we took the scenic route. i didn't wear very appropriate shoes (read i wore sandals) and now my feet are KILLING ME! i'm such a shoe loser.

today is the first day in a long time that i am going to bed feeling good about my eating for that day.

i've accounted for my points (properly). i've gotten my 4 Activity Points in for the day. i've drank my 8 glasses of water. i've mapped out most of tomorrows foods.

i'm feeling good.

i'm ready for bed. :)

i've just found this at the local grocers. all i'm going to say is 1 point for 2 slices. can bread get any better?

'leaner than bacon' bacon. i can't find a picture of it online. 3 slices are 1 points. it tastes okay. i was a little sceptical at first, but pleasently surprised after i tasted it.

another awesome little snack food. taste just like real doritos but you get 27 chips for 4 points. rock on!

water with lemon. yum. i remember this little treat every so often. it gives it just nice zing.

yum!

todays eats:

2 eggs with leaner than bacon and ww bread (7 points)
baked doritos and guac. (3 points)
spinach mandarin salad
2 oatmeal scones.

32 oz water
45 minute walk with baby

blogger ate my post.

& i don't feel like typing it out again.

todays eats

2 pieces ww bread with peanut butter and a banana (5 points)
2 pieces ww bread with chicken sandwich meat (4 points)
chili (5 points)
baked doritos (4 points)
guacamole 1 cup (8 points)
chili (5 points)
baked doritos (4 points)

35 points eaten

32 oz water
80 minute walk to library with the baby--6 AP
Church Exercise Group--2 AP

some random thoughts:

**i've been making chili for a while, but never with cumin. it was always one of those spices that we never had in the house so i always just skipped over. well on the weekend when i went grocery shopping i bought cumin and added it to the chili today and voila it was indeed the missing ingredient.

**my church exercise group is going well. for the past 3 weeks i had between 5 & 6 people. tonight there was only 3 of us and i couldn't find the dvd player so we just did laps around the gym with arm movements and some jogging (for those who could). one of the women who is coming is 83 years old. that's right 83. she's upset b/c she's not as active as she used to be. WOW! she's my new hero.

**tomorrow night is weigh in. i'm scared and nervous and anxious. again & as usual. the weekend was a bust. again & as usual. sigh.

**on a whim me and S went and looked at open houses in transcona (the neighbourhood we want to buy a house in). house shopping is sooooooooo much fun and i've become an MLS whore. i check it everyday. i hope there's new open houses next weekend so we can go check them out.

tonight me and my friend are supposed to hang out and have supper at my house. she immediately suggested we oreder a pizza and i tried to say no. in fact i did say no, but what can i suggest in place of the pizza? KFC is not a better option. chinese food is too expensive. maybe i'll suggest subway. i could go for subway. she doesn't like subway though. too many veggies.

i really want pizza now. i could get a vegetarian pizza. that would be a better choice. note i said better, not best. well i guess we'll see.

today's eats

toast with peanut butter--3 pts
english muffin with peanut butter--4 pts
shared a mango with the baby--.5 pts

24 oz water
no exercise

i thought long and hard about what is stopping me from really succeeding at this program and i believe i have discovered one of the reasons. i have found what will revolutionize ww forever. are you ready? here it is...

a week is too much time in between weigh ins.

but it's not even simply the weighing . it' s more about the flex points. 35 is just too big of a number for me. it looms over me at the beginning of the week saying "eat me, com'n, you can have that chinese food you've got 35 free points sitting right there just waiting to be eaten. com'n. eat me." those flex points fucking taunt me i tell you. i can do so well for 3 days, but by the 4th day i start to fall apart. the flex points are gone but i still want more. weigh in day seems sooooooo far away, like a river that i will never cross. by the time weigh in rolls around i just don't give flying hoot about a loss i just don't want to have gained weight.

i think if the week was broken into 2 it would work so much better for me. half the flex points (that way they wouldn't taunt me nearly so much) and twice as much accountability. for me it's all about the accountability. i think for a lot of women it's all about the accountability, positive accountability that is. do you think i could make millions plugging this to ww? or am i on crack? maybe i'm on crack. it's quite possible that i am.

i know that you can attend as many meetings in a week as you want, and maybe that's something i should look into doing. in the meantime i'm going to divy up my week at home and only have 15 flex points at a time. tuesday and saturday i was thinking. i'll go to my weigh in tuesday and start with 15 flex points wednesday morning. saturday i'll get a new bunch of flex points...i just need something to replace the weigh in aspect. kwim? i would weigh myself on my scale but it sucks big time and is not matching ww scale AT ALL.

now that i'm finished this i wonder, "where was the wit? this wasn't witty at all." sorry for promising wit and then not delivering. i suck.

i'm going to think of some witty things to say. i'll be back later.

i thought of a witty topic. it's so good i'm going to save it for tomorrow! hah!

todays eats

2 pieces of toast with smooth peanut butter (4 points)
2 cups BLUE menu mushroom barley soup (2 points)
1 mango (1 point)
1 lean cuisine chicken in wine sauce (3 points)
chicken curry (10 points)
hot and sour chicken and beef (18 points)

32 oz water
40 minute walk with the baby--3 AP

38 points

28 flex points left

well folks, i maintained.

i had a really bad weekend food wise and i have actually been avoiding writing in my blog b/c i am embarassed about my food intake since friday. i don't know why i'm hiding from the internet, but i am. i think i was thinking that if i just didn't post the binging then it didn't count and nobody would know about it? oi vey. what was i thinking?

i think secretly if i didn't address the binging in the written word then i didn't have to deal with the binging, kwim? i still don't know how to deal with the binging but acknowledging that i was binging is the first step i believe. before i never would have called it binging. i would have just ignored it or pretended that i hadn't really at that much.

i'm not going to dwell on the crap that i've eatend since friday and the emotional rollercoaster it's all brought. i'm simply going to move on to the two things i'm going to DO REALLY WELL this week.

1. Exercise everyday. this was my 3rd week at weight watchers and i got the activity information. it says to aim for 28 points a week or 4 points a day. that's my goal this week.

2. Eat an Exciting, Nuntritious, Wonderful breakfast everyday this week. from eggs to fruit to toast to cottage cheese. i'm gonna work the breakfast.

tomorrow is the start of a new week and I CAN DO THIS!