I had my appointment with my shrink today and we both agreed that I'm ready to go down to 1 appointment in June and 1 in July and after that I'll just go to the bi-monthly drop in sessions they have when I feel I need to.

She says that my biggest hurdle will be controlling my reaction when I'm put in the anxiety inducing situation and remembering to implement the strategies I've learned.

I'm so super happy right now! I feel like I could burst. I can't believe that I suffered alone for so long. I can't believe all the crying and fear and loneliness and isolation and moving and rituals and craziness I put up with for 9 long years.

I seriously urge anyone who is plagued by anxiety or fear or compulsions to seek help from the medical community. Get referred to a free anxiety program if that's all you can afford. I waited well over a year to have a spot in the program but the year was totally worth the wait. I have NEVER felt this normal or calm in my life.

Thanks to everyone for being there and supporting me all these years, both online and in real life.

Today I did a bad, bad thing.

I cancelled my appointment with my shrink today b/c I haven't done the assignment she gave me the last time I met with her. I don't know why I can't get it together on this issue. I waited so long to be a part of this anxiety program...and now I can't seem to focus on getting better.

My task was to do five minute intervals of cleaning upstairs. i can't do it. i couldn't do it. i couldn't bring myself to go upstairs and do something other then sleep. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. I know that the avoidance only gives short term 'relief' but increases the long term anxiety. I need to be brave. I need to expose myself.

Am I going to tell my shrink that I lied to get out of this week? Am I going to brave the upstairs and do my assignment?