All you can eat sushi is not a good thing the day before you're going to weigh in to start your weight loss challenge.

I feel like I could explode.

That is all.

I was doing some calculating this morning in regards to my Gym Pass. I want the most bang for my buck y'know. This Gym Pass is costing a lot (540 bucks for the year) and I want to get my money's worth!

I've gone to the gym 12 times thus far. Those 12 visits have cost 45 dollars a visit! Those are some expensive visits. Hah.

If I go 3 times a week for the 12 months (144 visits) it would be $3.75 a visit. That's not so bad.

If I go 4 times a week for the 12 months (192 visits) it would be $2.99 a visit. Getting better.

If I just up my visits to 200 then that then becomes $2.70 a visit. Not too shabby at all.

210 visits = $2.57 a visit.
220 visits = $2.45 a visit.

The frugal person in me is always wanting to come out....

Today is the last day of March and I am indeed thinking about April goals. Tomorrow me and my friend are weighing in and starting the CWLE again. I'm also thinking about what we can do differently this time to make us (okay, me) succeed more.

I'll post tomorrow. :)

Thought I'd change up the template a bit...

What do you guys think? Do you like or is it too drabby?

Anyways...

I went to the gym last night. I'm going to go tonight and that will fulfill my 12 visits to the Gym in March ticker (which I ditched b/c it didn't match the new template).

I did some weight lifting last night and I just can't get into the groove with the weights. I feel silly and out of place...I'm trying to read as much as I can so I feel knowledgeable and powerful.

It's time. I can't hide behind anything anymore.

I'm not losing weight. I'm the highest I've been(not counting pregnancy weight)in my life. But hell, with Andrew the highest I was weighed at was 272 pounds. I was 262.2 last week, that's not that fucking far off. I remember being pregnant and being this weight and feeling so fat and so unable to...just do...anything. I felt so big and never wanted to feel that way again...and yet here I am. I look about 6 months pregnant.

Fuck.

I'm maid of honor in a wedding this September. We went and tried on dresses yesterday and I looked ugly. That's it. Just fat and ugly. I don't know how I'm going to wear a dress all night long and have people look at me. I don't even know why I'm going to spend 200 bucks on a dress that's a size 24.

Fuck.

When I put my clothes on they don't seem to fit anymore. My wardrobe is rapidly diminishing. When I wear socks they are leaving lines b/c they're too small. I only want to wear turtleneck sweaters b/c I don't want people seeing my double chin.

Fuck.

I suppose I should list some of the good things I have been doing so that this post ends on a positive note and I don't end up simply sounding like a pathetic loser.

Carrie's List of Good Things

1. I joined a gym. I have gone 10 times since I joined. See my ticker up there?

2. I've got a ticker. I've got goals. I'm working towards reaching them.

3. I did lose weight at the last weigh in.

4. Starting April 2 I will be walking to and from work. That is a half hour walk each way. When it is nicer and all the snow has melted I might even ride my bicycle.

5. I am becoming accountable. I'm joining the new TB weight loss challenge.

the CWLE (see this post http://thatnamesalreadytaken.blogspot.com/2007/01/weight-loss-challenge.html) ended today.

Needless to say I did not win. My final weight? 262.2. 2.2 pounds UP from what I started at. Fuck, I suck. My friend now has 100 bucks that she is off to buy clothes with. She lost 11 pounds and I'm super proud of her, i just wish that I could be equally as proud of me.

We're doing it again. Heck, I figure if it keeps her losing weight then it's all good, right? And, I might lose some weight too, right?

I'm still feeling sick, but I'm dealing with it. I went to the gym last night. I did most of the exercises I posted, but truthfully i didn't do any crunches or walking lunges, b/c I'm scared to draw attention to myself. It's easier to blend into a machine, y'know?

I'm going to the gym tomorrow.

I'm sick. I woke up with a cold this morning.

Last night I felt great--ready to take on the world. Today all I can conquer is my bed. Boo.

These last few posts are going to be my plan for tomorrow at the gym.

I'm also including:

- Calf raises on step
- Crunches on the ball
- Crunches to the side on the ball
- Lower leg Lift

Weight training is scary for me at the gym. I know what I'm supposed to do (an ex showed me years ago) but I get there and all I see is a sea of machines and I just don't know what to do. Hopefully this little guide will help.

Leg Extensions






Leg Curls

Leg Press












Walking Lunges

Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say and so little time to say it. All day long I think of half posts and things to say and then when I get home and have a minute to myself I have nothing to post about.

I'm more then weight and food and exercise and dieting. Really I am. I'm also more then a Mommy and a Wife. Really--I am.

Trouble is, I'm just having a tough time remembering what I really am these days.

The times they are a changin'--that's for sure.

1. I've applied for 2 jobs within the school division. They are higher classifications. I know what you're thinking--didn't she just start working at a new school? And indeed, the answer is yes. I started at a new school in November. I enjoy working where I am (my co-workers are sane, I'm good at what I do and I enjoy the kids, even though I might complain about them) and I'm not anxious to leave. I'm simply thinking about the bigger picture. I want to make more money and I want to have more responsiblity. Being in charge of student records and making 16.50 an hour (capping out at 17.85) just isn't cutting it anymore. I want more and I want it now! Hah. Plus the Division is going through a big time of change right now with all the baby boomers retiring. There is so much movement going on now would be a good time to move on up.

2. Steve has also applied for a new job. He's not enjoying where he's at right now and is looking to expand. But the problem is he's so vague about everything it's really bothering me. I find a warehouse job, he says he doesn't want to work in a warehouse, he wants to find an office job. So I find an office job...and you see where this going... Gah. He has a job interview tomorrow (the one job he applied for called him back--he is so lucky it hurts. I've got my fingers crossed. If not there are several other jobs that look promising.

3. We are looking to change the baby's daycare and I'm torn. Seriously torn. His present DCP, while satisfactory, has not been living up to my high standards. There was a large miscommunication between the two of us and while I accept responsibility I'm still upset by the situation. Essentially, I thought she was feeding him breakfast and she thought I was feeding him breakfast and in reality no one was feeding him breakfast. I feel so awful. There are other things that have started to bug me. Since the schools flood and our relocation she is very far away. I'm driving a total of 2 hours everyday. It's not fun. Not at all. Number one being that she isn't licensed. I knew that going in, but now it's bothering me. In September she is expecting 9 children. 9 CHILDREN!! 9!! All under the age of 3. That's not counting her one granddaughter who will be 4 and only there half time. Fuck. Andrew can't go there. How will she watch them all? What if something happens? What is she thnking? Anyways...I hurried home today after I found this out and went online and found a licensed daycare wayyyy closer to us. There are pros and there are cons of course. For example, she has a rather large TV in her living room and Steve is worried that Andrew will break it somehow b/c he's obsessed with TVs. Steve thinks we might be liable to pay to have it fixed. I'm worried about leaving him with someone I don't know (I've known the present DCP for 10 years). We're trying to decide what to do. ie. Wait and hope for a better daycare or go with this one. It's also more expensive (like 5 dollars a day more expensive) and the rate doesn't go down when he turns 2 like it does at most licensed facilities. Who knew it was this hard and this worrisome to be a parent?

4. I'm struggling with my weight and my size (as usual). I was lifting some weights the other day in front of the wall of mirrors and had nothing to look at but my fat, gross, ugly self. It's seriously easy to not notice weight gain and body changes if you don't have any full length mirrors at your house and you are in serious denial about what you have been eating. How is it that I can convince myself that I have been eating 'wellish' and expect to lose weight the reality is that I've had chips, dip, Rally Burgers, frys, pizza, chocolate, more chips, more crap, and more crap. Why?

Anyways...I'm liking my ticker. I'm liking the gym (except for the wall of mirrors in the weight area). I'm liking my job. I'm liking my marriage. I'm liking that it's almost Spring Break.

Yep. I was fucking up. 262.4. That's a fucking 4 pound gain. How is that possible?

I was going to post yesterday but the post I started was one big FUCK. :(

Today is Sunday and it's weigh in day. Last night was a total bust. We had friends over and we drank wine, had pizza, and greek salad and then some kind turtle pie for dessert. yummmmm.

My only hope for weigh in today is that the number is less then 258.4. I don't care how less. Even if it is 258.2 I will be happy.

That is all.

zGah! Why do I do this to myself? I went to the gym this morning all gung ho to do the eliptical and the treadmill. I started going and then it happened....chafing. Ugh. My sweat pants had a hole on each inner thigh (because all my pants have holes there b/c my thighs rubtogether) and it rubbed. gah. my thighs are so sore now. i'm walking like a cowboy right now.

i'm going to throw everything with holes out now.

i've joined a gym. i feel pretty good about it. i've gone 3 times now. it's nice. i like the elliptical and the treadmill so far. they have classes and i'm thinking of going to one once a week. they have a weight lifting class that I think I would like to check out.

MMMMM...we're having tacos tonight. I'm so excited...I'm drooling already.

Last night we had salsa chicken which sound like such a complicated dish, but really it was one of the easiest things I've ever made. Here's the recipe.

Salsa Chicken

3 chicken breasts
1 tin of diced tomatoes
1/2 cup of medium spicy salsa
some cheddar cheese

Lay chicken on a baking dish. Add diced tomatoes and salsa. Bake in the oven at like 400 degrees until it's done. Add some grated cheddar cheese and serve with spaghetti.

MMMM...it was delish. I will definitely make it again. Thanks Chelle. :)

I forgot to mention I've got a ticker again. I haven't had one in a while. But in a strange way it feels good to be back with the tickers.

Well folks, I'm back on the wagon...sort of. It's sad that I feel like I can only post in my blog when I'm on the weightloss bandwagon. If I don't post about it, it can't be happening right?

Well, in a nutshell this is what has happened in the last few weeks:

--My school flooded. It was very stressful and we've been moved to a temporary location, right by my house.
--good you think, right? wrong. daycare is on other side of city by my school therefore doubling my driving time. I drive 25 minutes to daycare, to drive practically right back to where I live...twice a day...
--I gained weight.
--The staff banded together in the stressful situation and ate....a lot.
--I gained weight
--I got tired from all the stress and driving and went to bed like every other night at 8 PM.
--I gained weight.
--I realized I feel like shit and I look shit so I thought about joining a gym for 2 weeks.
--After thinking in depthly about joining a gym I took the plunge and went and joined a gym that is like 3 blocks from house.


I weighed in today and I was 258.4. For a while I was above 260...

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. The Secret is the power of positve thinking right? :P