I feel like the Internet has kept Ravelry hidden from me. How could I have not known about the awesome wonderfulness of this site? Have I displeased the Crochet Gods? I've spent most of yesterday and today clicking and clicking and clicking some more.

I joined Ravelry about 2 years ago. It was 95% knitters/knitting at the time and I left the site all in a harumpf and I never really went back. Until Saturday. Someone had a link on one of Message Boards and I clicked. & I clicked and I found heaven. So many patterns, so many free patterns, so many colours, so many projects, so many people. A zillion different patterns to try and then a zillion different pictures people have posted about the FO's. A list where you can track projects that you want to do and a way to track your UFO's. It's a crocheters wet dream. It's what I never knew I wanted or needed.

My name is Dinah and I'd like to be your friend on Ravelry (even if you're only a knitter).

My goal for this year is to read 25 books. I've read 5 so far.

These are them so far:

1. Mission Shaped Children by Margaret Withers
2. Harry Potter & The Philosophers Stone by J.K. Rowling
3. Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella
4. Shopaholic Takes Manhattan by Sophie Kinsella
5. Reflecting With God by Abigail Johnson

I've got several books on the go right now. One for each bathroom, one for library study, and one for general reading...

1. Little Bee by Chris Cleave (I'm almost done this one, I highly recommend everyone read it as it is a beautifully written book with a compelling story)
2. Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
3. Smart Cookies Guide To Making More Dough and Getting Out Of Debt by the Smart Cookies (Thanks again FD!)
4. Leading Lives That Matter by Mark R Schwehn

Waiting for me to read is a zillion books, but the ones I'm most looking forward to are:

1. Summer Sisters by Judy Blume
2. Leadership Can Be Taught by Sharon Daloz Parks
3. Got at 2000 by Marcus J Borg

I like books. :)

A budding multi media artist? You be the judge.

I won the smart cookies giveaway that Frugal Dreamer hosted in March on her blog. Yay me! The book arrived in the mail on Monday (the 19th). In the midst of being sick, I just kinda stuck it on the counter and went back to bed.

But on Tuesday (when I could pee without crying) I took a closer look at it, read the back cover, read the forward by Jean Chatzky (which reminds me, I wanted to Google Jean, she sounds like an interesting person), and decided this is going to be a kick ass book. What has drawn me to it so far is that a) these women did it together (how awesome is that?), b) they did it in response to a TV show (& I'm not the biggest Oprah fan, but com'n that is f'in cool), and c) this book not only highlights their successes, but also their failures (cause God knows, I sure don't succeed every time).+

I cannot wait to sink my teeth into this book. I'm hoping that this book will help motivate me about the personal finance situation, cause I have totally fallen off the bandwagon these past few months.

Thanks again FD! I love winning things. :)

I've been sick the last couple days with a bladder infection which has totally sucked. I spent most of the day yesterday at Urgent Care and while waiting did quite a bit of reading. I finished reading Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone.

I think I've read that book about a dozen times now. I've read the entire series cover to cover book to book 3 times. & every time a new book came out I'd re-read each book before reading the new book. I like HP, but I wouldn't say that I'm a fanatic. I don't have any paraphernalia, I don't have a secret Harry Potter name, and I don't fancy myself part of Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Gryffindor (does anyone even want to be part of Slytherin?). I may or may not admit to joining a Harry Potter Online Forum a few years ago, but I never made any posts. I couldn't understand all the teenagers. :P

I feel a little squicked out about writing this, but as it stands Books 1 through 3 are my bathroom readers. (oh the embarrassment). I slowly work my way through them, mostly because I've read them so much over the years they have lost the suspense. By the 4th book though, it all changes. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is my all time favourite in the HP series. At this point HP becomes something more then bathroom fare. :P It starts to consume me. I read it before bed, while waiting for supper to cook, on the bus, at lunch, anywhere, anytime. This continues until I finish the series. My husband makes fun of me when I start re-reading the series and Andrew has taken to saying that he hates HP.

Anyways, (see how easily I'm distracted when I'm sick), I started this post to just say that I read another book! & I'm about 3/4 of the way through another book (Little Bee by Chris Cleave). They are definitely on the opposite ends of the literary spectrum. :P I'm not supposed to talk about what Little Bee is about (I think part of the idea of the novel is that you enter it with an open mind and no expectations), but it is a serious adult read. Moving from Quidditch and Spells to Serious Adult Literature is a big jump. But I continue on.

Cheers!

PS. My favourite HP characters are The Weasley Twins. Who's yours?

I take a lot of pictures with plans of making brilliant blog posts with wonderful pictures. Generally, those pictures just sit on my camera.

Here's a sample of some of my pictures that were meant to be blogged.

Playing outside at Nana's. It was soooo cold that day. The thermometer in the background reads about -23 or -24, but that doesn't include the windchill. If you factored in the wind chill it was something like -35 that day. We took the picture from inside. :P

This is Husband on his way to vote for the very first time. I was so proud of him and so excited that he's now a Canadian Citizen and can take part in elections.

Don't you love how Andrew is wearing only a hoodie and Husband is decked out in a winter coat and toque?

In the bath a few weeks back. I can't remember what I was trying to get him to do in the bath, but it was going to be something that would have made a fabulous blog post. But, alas all he would do was grin and laugh hysterically at the camera.

We'd had a turkey in the freezer for months (like since October?) and I'd been waiting for an opportunity to cook it up. We've been trying to have my Mom over for Sunday dinners since my Dad died. I think she must be lonely, not having anyone to share meals with now. I cooked this up a few weeks back. I hadn't cooked a bird in years and years. I was amazed how golden I got the outside and how good the inside was. I made turkey pot pies and turkey soup with the leftovers. It was good. :)

This is our salad that we had with it. It was good. My mom likes regular salads.

These were my attempt at yam fries. They were fun to cut, season, and coat with oil. They were fun to pop into the oven. It wasn't fun, however, to have forgotten about them in the oven and have them burn quite quickly. :( We bought a yam today when we go grocery shopping and we will attempt to make yam fries again sometime this week.

I think that takes care of my back log of pictures. Cheers!

These things I now know to be true when I might not have know about it in the past (how's that for a mouthful?):

• God exists & I believe in God.
• Everything is not so black & white. Grey is perfectly acceptable as well.
• Everyone is called to ministry. God is calling me to serve.
• Things are hard.
• Christ is Awesome & Scary at the same time. It's okay to be simultaneously awed and scared.
• Christ was crucified & rose on the third day.
• God is Christ is Holy Spirit.
• Evil as an entity-a force-most likely exists. I'm still a fence sitter.
• The United Church of Canada is a nice place to be. We are always trying to do the right thing.
• It's worth it to read the bible. Take it slow.
• There is so much more then just the words. Historical, political, theological, and emotional contexts are KEY. Look beyond the words.
• Faith & Spirituality don't just happen. You have to work at it. Fill yourself with the LORD. Pray, think, stare into space, talk to others, meditate, read, whatever. Challenge yourself.
• It's good to tell people that I am Christian. I am learning to live my Faith. Especially at work & play.
• Big words and Big thoughts are no match for small actions & small deeds.
• It's hard to believe in Jesus & follow him. People who say it's easy have missed the boat.
• Things got harder to believe as I got older. But I persevere.
• I can do this. God wants me to and so do I.
  

Well, that was a hard test. A hard test and a long test.

We had 1.5 hours, but I easily feel like I could have written for about 3 hours. Maybe even 4.

Some sample questions & exercises in no particular order(I tried to take the copy of the test questions, but they wouldn't let me):

The section in your department has decided it needs a new records classification system. What steps would you take to make this happen & why?

What is the difference between an official and transitory record?

What is the role of Information Management in the Fed Govt.?

Here, recreate this 4 sheet spreadsheet with a zillion columns of numerical data on the laptop WITH NO NUMBER PAD. Go ahead, I dare you and while you're at it do these vague things too and oh just when you think you're done with this shitty excel spreadsheet I'll throw in this demand to make a header field.

Write a short memo to Ms. Smith asking her to appoint you acting information holdings specialist. Be sure to include your reasons behind this request.

Write a short memo to Mr. Smith (oh, I betcha didn't think I would notice that did you?!) asking permission to meet with his department to provide them with recordkeeping training. Be sure to include why this is important what you will include in the training.

Please tell us whether the following are an official record or a transitory record:

They throw in some easy ones and then this...You are at lunch with your boss. She writes down an amount for a budget allocation on a napkin and hands it to you. Official or Transitory?

Please tell us briefly what all these acts do and are about:

Then follows about 6 or 8 acts and I end up allocating about 3 mintues to each act. This act deals with...got real tiresome, real fast but I didn't know what else to do.

So, I don't think I passed. It was....an experience. Writing this test I knew it's not what I want to do and I know that my heart is not in it and that nowadays records for me is quite blah and boring and I've got no drive to keep good records or manage records or preserve them or anything. I know I want a real job, with real duties, that help real people do real things and REAL STUFF, ya know?

Anyways, I hope I make it into the pool of qualified candidates, but I'm not betting all my cookies on that. So, I'll keep everyone posted if I hear back from them.

I am writing my test for the CR-05 position this afternoon. I printed off and read a bunch of material about the Department and Information Management. It was as dry as dry could get and I don't even know if it's the right stuff. I'm feeling quite nervous about this test. I am telling everyone I am just doing it for the experience and I think that is true. I didn't pass the last CR-05 test, so I'm not sure about this one, especially because I wasn't provided with any clear direction about what to study. I'm expecting an essay question, short answer, t/f, and multiple choice on the test.

Wish me luck. I'll (try) to report back tonight!

5 things I've learned about how cross stitch and me work together

1. I have a short attention span.

This could go in either 2 ways. Small pieces might be better for me. I do enjoy having a sense of completion. It's nice to have finished a piece, lettering, back-stitching and all in a few weeks.

But in larger pieces you can move about in the piece itself. Right now with my big cross stitch I go from working on the left hand side to the top to the right hand side back to the top. The pattern is different on each side so it's a good way to satisfy my short attention span. All the side hopping does result in gaps and stitches that never get filled in...but they will.

2. I need to see the picture taking shape.

Nothing is ticking me off more then the fact that I can't SEE the picture forming with each stitch. It is so much more satisfying seeing the tree take shape and seeing the church have doors and a steeple and seeing the bird become a bird.
SEE! That's a bird. It's blue with a peach underbelly. It's there.

3. Like with crocheting, I never want to rip out my mistakes.

It's true. At this point I can't be bothered with ripping out my mistakes. Especially since they are generally small little mistakes. A dark orange where a medium orange should be. A spot of 6 deep brown where 6 light brown stitches should be. With this HUGE piece I can get away with it, especially because it is such an abstract piece. There is no big definition to the work. Can you see the mistakes? I didn't think so.

4. Switching Threads is a pain.

I get irked every time I have to switch threads while working in the same color. I don't mind going from blue to green to yellow. But running out of yellow while I still have more stitches to go drives me crazy. I wish I could gauge how much thread you would need for whatever block you're working on.

5. My Spatial Relationship skills are constantly challenged.

It's true in my real life and it's true in cross stitch. I have absolutely no sense of spatial relations. I see the pattern and it tells me to start the yellow 1 square over and 5 squares down from the brown, but I just can't make it happen on the cloth. I do a lot of counting and recounting and recounting. I start and realize that it's wrong about every other stitch. It's the same for me in real life. I can't parallel park for the life of me.

What do I do to nurture my spiritual life?

It's hard to nurture. It's hard to slow down. It's hard to take care of your faith, your spirituality. It's hardest to take care of yourself. You blink & it's bedtime. You blink & you're at work. You blink & you're in the car. You blink & you're child minding. You blink and it's happening all over again. It's hard to realize these are excuses.

Dig Deeper.

I can say that I have begun to spend time in study and reflection on Saturday mornings, that I read the bible on a regular basis (like twice a week), and partake in conscientious prayer. I can say that as First Sundays Ministry Coordinator I spend time nurturing my spiritual life with research and inquiry. I can say that active participation in church committees is nurturing. I can say that regular church attendance and taking time to enjoy the company of family and friends provides my spiritual life with nurturing.

Dig Deeper.

I can say that I am planning to read the Bible on a daily basis, that I will reflect theologically using Johnson's Method on a weekly basis, and that I will prayer morning and night.

Why should I feel the need to quantify? Six of this, a dozen of that, four of the other.

They are not looking a recipe.

Dig Deeper.

I am learning. I am learning to consciously make time for prayer & study & reading the bible. I am slowly making time in my life for these things. I am learning to put my spiritual life and God before TV, before shopping, the computer, before idleness.

It takes motivation, discipline, enthusiasm.

I am also beginning to realize that everything cannot be answered by books. The answers to my nagging questions & my unexplainable need to act on God's voice are not in print. No one else can tell me what to do or say or think next. I suppose they can give guidance and give me stuff to think about, but nowhere will they ever say, "Hey you, Dinah THIS is what God wants you to do". They may recount what God called them to do and how they fulfilled this call from above. I tend to fall back on books. Surely, they will have the answers. They will tell me what to think. They will tell me how to answer the questions. They will tell me what to say to my discernment committee. They will make me look smart. They will fill me full of words. I think secretly I hide behind books. I don't try to answer questions because I don't have the knowledge. I always think I need to read more books--the right books.

Dig Deeper

I need to learn to remember to turn inwards. I will find the answers inside me. I simply need to listen to the Voice & Word of God. I need to be open to digging deeper

Thank goodness today is Friday. This week felt like it was never going to end!

Just a bunch of little snippets today while I eat my Raisin Bran (yep, that's right, Raisin Bran on a Friday night) and wait for Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution to start.

• In work news, today was the other civilian's last day. Monday she starts another job with the Department. I'm sad to see her go, but also maybe a little secretly glad because she was starting to outshine me in the work department. :P Now it's back to me being the only civvy and therefore the best civvy. :)
• Remember how I had emailed Betty in Edmonton about the CR-05 position? She emailed me back yesterday and let me know that there was a Winnipeg position open as well and was I interested in that one. I immediately said yes and she invited me to write the test! I go for that next Friday, the 16th!!! Yay me!
• So now because of the test I have quite a few policies/directives/boring shit to read about Information Management. Yawn. I also have a rather thick required book to read for my discernment committee. & about a dozen 'recommended' books to read. (I'm thinking I might do a post tomorrow solely about all these books). & I have a Worship Service to create. So, lots to do and not so much time for relaxation this weekend.
• My aunt is in town! Yippee! Hope to get to visit with her before she leaves.
• We did our taxes. We are just about breaking even. From what I owed, what H&R Block charged us (read here about why we don't do our taxes ourselves), and what Steve was getting back I think we are getting a .38 cent refund. I'm a little sad as I was planning to put our refund towards spending money for the UK trip...but life goes on I guess and we'll just have to watch our pounds more carefully while we are on Holiday.
• My church is trying something new. Starting this Sunday we are going to be having a shorter service for children and their parents and any adults that are interested in learning more about faith (& perhaps helping with the little ones). This weeks activity is Name Tags. :P

**I've been slowly (& I mean slowly) working my way through my study guide. This is the piece I wrote in response to the section on Jesus.**

teacher. confusing. resurrected. tempted. important. awesome. all knowing. overlooked. feminist. revolutionary. bigger then me. savior & god & spirit. jesus is god incarnate. lamb. crucified. holy. with me. the christ. triune.

Sometimes I feel that Christ is almost too big of a concept for me. Sometimes I feel that the ease with which others proclaim Christ to be their Savior precludes me from doing this ever. Sometimes I feel like a hollow shell waiting to be filled. Sometimes I wonder what it must feel like to be filled & suddenly be worry-less. Sometimes I am terrified by the awesomeness of Jesus. Sometimes I worry I focus too much on God - a generic Divine God. Sometimes I worry that I'm really Jewish. Or Hindu. Or Muslim. Or Pagan. Or Atheist. Or waiting for proof. Sometimes I wonder how one can accept Jesus into their heart as their personal savior. Sometimes I am scared because I have broken the rules, not been a fisher of men, and doubted. Sometimes I am proud that I have done those things. Sometimes I worry that I have not be Called. Sometimes I am inspired by Jesus--his works, deeds, miracles, parables, words. Especially by his willingness to die. Sometimes I'm confused about what he wants me to do. Who he wants me to be. What he wants me to say. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I hope the answers will come. Mostly I know they won't.

We all work in [on] Faith & Obedience.

I went to the funeral of an old friends father today. I have not seen my friend in many years. I went through a...shall we say turbulent time a few years ago I distanced myself from many of my friends and family. Most people I've reconnected with over the years, but I never had with Jane. It was very nice seeing her today and in some ways it almost felt like no time had passed. We both cried and I've made the commitment to call her so we can go out for coffee or drinks one night.

I found the whole experience much harder then I was anticipating. Generally funerals don't have much of an effect on me. In a strange way I find them very fascinating. But today I was affected. I know that it is very close to my Father's death still and that events like this will make me sad. I almost felt like I would not be able to return to work in the afternoon.

But, I am glad that I went back to work because I was able to meet with the MFRC 's employment counselor. It was nice to meet with someone and talk about my future. He is going to put me in his database and he gave me some tips for improving my resume/cover letters. He was also telling me about a very interesting sounding job at the Legislature for an MLA.

I emailed Betty from Edmonton about the job and politely declined to continue with the screening process. Husband and I talked about the situation at length and we have decided that for the time being Winnipeg is where we need to be. Andrew has just settled into his new school (& we don't want to replay another disastrous school), my Mom needs us right now, I would have to stop my call to ministry and re-begin the call after a year with another congregation, and the cost of living is so high in Edmonton that we would not be able to enjoy the same standard of living as we do here (ie. Husband staying home with Andrew and working part time in the evenings/weekends). I'm sad, but also feeling like we made the right decision for our family at this time.

Tonight was the second meeting of my discernment committee and I have lots to say on the subject. Just not right now. Right now I'm tired and not doing well with words. I'll have to leave it to another day. In a nutshell though, I don't find I'm communicating very well what I've learned, what I believe, what I've been doing for reflection, and I don't find myself answering their questions very well.

Husband bought a slide converter and we've been transferring slides onto the computer. My Father had a whole box of slides in the basement at his house that no one had ever seen from circa 1983. It's been good for remembering going through all them. I thought I would leave you with some of my favourites.

An absolute gorgeous shot of me.
I love how the picture is cut in half like that.

My beautiful Mother.



This shot reminds me of Jackie O. Look At ME! I'm Jackie O!
Except for the bruised/scraped knee. lol



I don't know who is in the background on this picture or where it was taken,
but I adore how the needles on the tree are clear and the person is blurred.
Love it.



Me & my Father & an etch a sketch & a dolly.
What more could a girl want?

Well, I'm still working on my GINORMOUSLY HUGE cross stitch piece. It has almost been 1 year since I started. I am beginning to think I will be finished when Andrew goes off to University. I keep plugging away, and as long as I don't make mistakes I find it relaxing.

I thought I'd do a review of the cross stitch so far...

This is what it will look like finished...hopefully.
Because parts of it are so abstract I am having a hard time visualizing the piece. As I do more I am starting to appreciate that there is picture in there and it is not just a jumble of colours.

1 Week in.
I got a lot done that first week. Just looks like a jumble of oranges. The finished piece will be about 200 X 275 stitches. At this point I was about 100 stitches done....with only 7 thousand more to go.

2 week shot.
I was really in the zone. I had plans to finish this piece by Christmas because it was supposed to be a wedding present for my friends that were getting married this past October.

Week 4 picture.
It was at about this time that I realized there was no way I was going to finish it in time for Christmas. I figured I'd be done by June. Hah! I think it was around September that I realized there was no way I was going to give this away, especially after putting in thousands of hours of work. (Don't worry about my friends though, I made them 2 round ripple afghans for a wedding present because I felt so guilty about not finishing the cross stitch)

This was taken right before Christmas, so at 7 months in.
As you can see between July an December I didn't make much progress. At this point I was thinking I would be done in 2011, about 2 years after I started. It doesn't look like it but there are about 20 different colors stitched. I spend a lot of time changing threads. If you squint and let your eyes lose focus you can almost see the trees taking shape...
11 month shot
& now this is where I was up to as of last night. I've been so horribly excited because I've moved into THE BLUES. At the top, see there? That's BLUE. Thank goodness, because I was getting quite tired of oranges, browns, and blacks. Hah. This is what I have accomplished in 10 months. Granted I have not worked on it all that much in the last few months. Life really gets in the way.

I can't wait to finish, but mostly I just can't wait for it to start to look like SOMETHING.

Months and months ago, back in November I applied for a CR-05 job in another department. It was a posting for positions in Winnipeg & Edmonton and a nice pay raise. You were supposed to indicate which location you were interested in and I checked off Winnipeg & Edmonton. We have always talked about moving to Alberta. I love the landscape, the atmosphere, my aunt lives there, we've got friends there and a new start somewhere has always appealed to both of us. I have applied for a few postings in Alberta: Calgary, Lethbridge, Edmonton, but I've never ever received a call back before.

Wednesday I got a call back. Betty from Edmonton phoned my work (I guess after I had already left for the day) and left a message for me to phone back.

Problem?

I don't know if we want to move right now.

My Dad just died. My Mom is all alone. She has to sell her house and move. All she has left is Me, Husband, and Andrew. My aunt is moving back to Winnpeg and we wouldn't be able to stay with her in the interim until we get sorted. I would have to fly to Edmonton (most likely?) to take the test and probably go back for an interview as well. Our funds are all tied up in this England trip. & what if they want me to start while I am supposed to be on holiday?

Some other thoughts:

• The Public Service is always about Pools. Just because I write the test/interview for this position doesn't mean that it would be the one I end up in. But it would be nice to be in a Pool.
  
• This whole process could take months, even a year.
• The lure of moving and living in a new province and a new city is still with me
• While the position itself was a term, only 1 year, I think because I am a permanent employee with the Public Service they would have to return me to my original job (or a job?) -- Does that mean I would have to move back to Winnipeg?
• If I decline this opportunity to test/interview will it reflect negatively on me in future job applications?

It's okay. You can be honest.

There's been a big drop in readership for me (at least it seems) since I started Blogging about God and Church and Christianity more often.

I've been wondering if I should have a separate, more contemplative blog where it would only be about my discernment process or theological reflections. I don't want to scare people away from here, but it has been natural to blog about what I have been learning about myself and what I have been studying.