**I've been slowly (& I mean slowly) working my way through my study guide. This is the piece I wrote in response to the section on Jesus.**
teacher. confusing. resurrected. tempted. important. awesome. all knowing. overlooked. feminist. revolutionary. bigger then me. savior & god & spirit. jesus is god incarnate. lamb. crucified. holy. with me. the christ. triune.
Sometimes I feel that Christ is almost too big of a concept for me. Sometimes I feel that the ease with which others proclaim Christ to be their Savior precludes me from doing this ever. Sometimes I feel like a hollow shell waiting to be filled. Sometimes I wonder what it must feel like to be filled & suddenly be worry-less. Sometimes I am terrified by the awesomeness of Jesus. Sometimes I worry I focus too much on God - a generic Divine God. Sometimes I worry that I'm really Jewish. Or Hindu. Or Muslim. Or Pagan. Or Atheist. Or waiting for proof. Sometimes I wonder how one can accept Jesus into their heart as their personal savior. Sometimes I am scared because I have broken the rules, not been a fisher of men, and doubted. Sometimes I am proud that I have done those things. Sometimes I worry that I have not be Called. Sometimes I am inspired by Jesus--his works, deeds, miracles, parables, words. Especially by his willingness to die. Sometimes I'm confused about what he wants me to do. Who he wants me to be. What he wants me to say. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I hope the answers will come. Mostly I know they won't.
We all work in [on] Faith & Obedience.
1 comments:
I wonder if the doubts and the awareness of testing the boundaries is part of the spiritual hurdles facing your call. I myself have never doubted my faith. Sometimes I wonder why that is and if others think I'm closed minded. But every cell of my being shouts out to me that this is the only path for me.
But with your call to minstry you need the blessing of being able to see beyond this path to others to be a fisher of men. To be able to comprehend His word and what it means and does not mean to others.
I think you have been blessed with both the joy and the desire to learn about our Saviour and what else is out there beyond Christianity.
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