today is not a CORE day. it was a tough night with the baby waking up at 10:30 (just as i closed my eyes to go t sleep), 12:30, 1, 2:30, 3:30 & 6 AM. sigh. i woke up this morning just wanting all the un-healthy food we have in the house for Steve's lunches. so far this morning i've had chocolate pudding and a granolar bar for breakfast. and i just had a sandwich with luncheon meat and am now contemplating having a box (or 2) of snack pack smarties.

i think i'm switching to FLEX until the baby gets his nights figured out again. sigh.

today's eats

choclate pudding--3 pts
granola bar--2 pts
sandwich--5 pts
smarties
clamato juice--1 pt

11 pts/17 pts left

23 FlEX points left (i'm just going to transfer these, i'm assuming they are the same)

16 oz water
no exercise yet

i would just like to say that yesterday me and S went out for supper and I MADE GOOD FOOD CHOICES! yep. that's right. you heard correctly. I, went to a restaurant and did not order pizza. i did not order nachos. i did not order a burger and fries. i did not order any of those bad for you things. want to know what i did order? grilled chicken with a pineapple salsa and wild rice pilaf and brocoli. and it was actually good. we order chicken wings as an appetizer. half hot sauce ones and half teriyaki. my totally CORE meal in a restaurant...except...the chicken wings had some kind of breading on them and they came with a dip. before i even knew what i was doing i had dipped the carrots into the dip 3 times. once i realized that the dip was not a good choice i stopped. i am SO PROUD of myself. afterwards and this morning i don't feel the huge pangs of regret that i am so accustomed to.


todays eats

medium apple and some grapes
ff plain yogurt with a banana and mango
taco salad without the taco (cheese 12 points--i forgot to buy low fat cheese, eek)
more taco salad without the taco
maybe some popcorn later?

56 oz water
High Intensity BL Workout--1.5 AP

23 WPAs left

not much to report. still flying high on yesterdays weight loss.

todays eats:

2 eggs with ff ham on an english muffin (3 points)
lunch: leftover wild rice and chicken and the grilled vegetables
supper: something with chicken

32 oz water
Strength & Sculpt BL Workout--1.5 AP

33.5 WPAs left

Here i am posting after my ww weigh in. i'm just so excited and happy that i can't wait until tomorrow. i was down....5.6 pounds. now, i know the first week you usually lose quite a bit...but was this really the first week for me? i mean i've been muddling along on FLEX by myself since january, this is hardly me starting over after a large weight gain, right? but this is my first week on CORE and perhaps that also explains the large loss.

before i stepped on that scale i was praying for anything but a gain. i was so convinced that trip to McDonalds and the cookie incident at church were going to have done me in. honestly, i would have been happy with a .4 loss. anyways...i got a terrific sticker! i feel like i'm in grade 2 again. i wonder what you get when you gain? try again with a little sad smiley? or close, better luck next week? hah! i don't ever want to find out.

the thing is i was starting feel so discouarged about doing CORE. i was ready to say F*@#$ CORE...and now...now i'm not so sure. it's a brand new week and i've got a whole new set of WPAs and a better understanding of the program. i did make one of my weekly TWO THINGS TO DO eat CORE. i did lose weight on it. i did feel full and satisfied. i did eat a well balanced diet. i did feel good. the biggest problem i had with CORE was eating out. the foods i like to eat in restaurants are not CORE friendly. i could just save me WPAs for eating out...or i could make wiser food choices and realize that a big huge plate o nachos is not figure friendly and that a BIG MAC and fries are not condusive to a healthy lifestyle. sigh.

all in all i'm going to give CORE another week and see how i do on it now that i have a better understanding of the whole shebang.

today is weigh in day. i'm scared and worried and anxious and hopeful all in the same breath.

me and the baby are going to go do errands this afternoon. i have to go to my bank and to the store. we're going to walk. he's doing a lot better and i think the fresh air will be good for him. since last wednesday he's only been out to go the hospital twice and to church on sunday. the temperature is supposed to go to +4 C here today (which is balmy weather for us, hah). a good spring walk is just what mommy and baby need.

wish me luck!

todays eats:

farmers breakfast with a little ketchup
wild rice with chicken and mushrooms
2 mangos=1 cup
1 chicken breast cooked with HP sauce
oven grilled vegetables
oven baked sweet potato fries
smart pop popcorn
2 cups clamato juice (2 points)

32 oz water
45 minute walk to the bank with a very unhappy baby--3 AP

**update**

yeesh, i didn't know my guy could cry for that long. i feel so bad. about 15 minutes into the 45 minute walk he started to cry. and cry. and cry. and cry. all the way to the bank. at the bank i took him out of the stroller while i was doing my stuff. instant happiness. i tried to feed him--no go. i figure his diaper must need chaning--nope. i try shushing and rocking--no go. back into the stroller and the crying starts. i even stopped in at McDonalds (i only got a diet coke, praise me everyone) and sat with him on my lap for like 20 minutes. sitting with me--happy. in stroller--crying.

needless to say we took the bus home.

it's a new week this fine monday morning. although the baby is still not well he is doing better. his appetite has improved and ate banana this morning as well as last night. his fluid consumption is up as well and he hasn't been flopping around as much as he was. the Big D is still there, but definitely not as frequent. the Big V and his fever have not been seen for 2 days now. knock wood, but i'm hoping the worst is past us now.

i was thinking back to what my ww leader said last week at the meeting (i love being able to say ww leader & last week's meeting). the meeting was all about not trying to do everything. the idea is that while trying to do everything you forget to do half the stuff or you just plain can't do everything. her advice was to concentrate on 2 things per week so that you will be successful. then the next week pick 2 things on top of that to concentrate on, so that in effect you are now working on 4 things. & to remember to always continually re-evaluate what you are doing to ensure that you haven't let some of your healthy habits drop to the wayside. anyways...enough blathering...

What i am Going to Achieve this Week (March 27 to April 2)

1. Exercise Every Day. that's 7 days of at least 20 minutes of exercise a day. i can find 20 minutes every day right?

2. Follow The CORE plan. those are some mighty yummy foods that you can eat on CORE and as of tomorrow night i'll have my 35 WPAs back.

that's it, that's all i'm going to worry and stress over this week. if i'm doing those 2 things i'll be happy.

todays eats:
a banana and ff yogurt
farmers breakfast with a little ketchup
supper?--thinking wild rice with chicken and brocoli

32 oz water
no exercise yet (tonight is my church exercise class and i think we're going to do the 1 mile walk again as lots of new people said they were going to come.)
High Intensity BL Workout--2 AP

The Farmers Breakfast

a litle bit of onion (maybe 1/2 a small onion)
1/4 each of green, red, and yellow pepper (although the recipe only called for green pepper i added the others)
1 TBSP of canola oil
2 medium potatoes
6 oz ff ham
4 eggs beaten w/some water
a little bit of salt and pepper to taste

you cook the onions and peppers in the oil until their tender, yet crisp. i cut the potatoes into little pieces and then added them in raw. i cooked for about 8 minutes then added the ham. cook for about another 8 minutes. add eggs and push around until eggs set. (before i added the eggs i took half of the vegetable mixture and put it in a tupperware container and saved for tommorrow. i also made it with only 2 eggs cause i halved it)

it was okay. next time i would use less onion and add some mushrooms.

ugh. the baby is still sick. the vomitting has finally stopped and there hasn't been a fever for over 24 hours. he's still got the diarrhea though and it's tough keeping him well hydrated. i gave him half a banana and it seemed to make him perk up a bit.

food wise--not so good either. at church there was home-made peanut butter crunch cookies and before i knew it had eaten 2 of them. then i figured cause i had eaten 2, 1 more wouldn't hurt. so another one went in my mouth. then the baby was being all cranky b/c he is soo sick and we had to wait to drive someone home and there were wraps from subway. pop. into my mouth it went. and there was a piece of cake in there somewhere too, lemon cake with sugary icing.

i'm so freakin' stressed out with the baby. since wednesday he's probably eaten what he normally eats in one day. we keep going back to the hospital and they just keep reassuring us he's not dehydrated so there's nothing they can do and there's nothing we can do but ride it out. we've been giving him pedialyte (oral electrolyte solution) to help with the hydration but it's so sugary now when we give him the formula he doesn't like it and doesn't want to drink it. he's so weaek from the diarrhea. when he's laying down and wants to get up he keeps flopping over and crawling looks like it's so hard for him to do. he tries to play but it takes up all his energy and occasionally he just flops forward and lays with his head on the floor. i offer him liquids every hour, he'll take a few sips and then refuse the bottle. his little bum is completely raw from all the poop. everytime we change the diaper (which sometimes is every half an hour) he screams and cries. i'm so close to crying myself. i'm getting so frustrated. just when i think he's starting to get better he starts to get sicker.

i just can't think about food right now. i know my weigh in is this tuesday, but right now i just can't focus on that. i just want to get through this and have a happy, healthy baby again.

todays eats:
3 cookies (4 points?)
1 piece cake (7 points?)
1/2 subway wrap, some kind of meat with veggies (8 points?)
mexicale pie with salsa and ff sour cream--CORE food (5 points)
1 beer with clamato juice (4 points)
baked lays with guacamole (12 points?)

40 points (and i have no flex points left due to the unfortunate McDonalds incident earlier in the week)

48 oz water
no exercise

i know my food choices have not been the greatest and perhaps saying that my baby is sick and i can't focus on food is an excuse. maybe it is and maybe it isn't. perhaps i just need to bite the bullet and stop making excuses? i ate like shit b/c i wanted to? i eat like shit on a regular basis b/c i want to? do i secretly want to sabotage my weight loss? do i openly sabotage my weight loss? why do i do this?

he's still sick. still having the Big D. ugh. his little bum is SO raw and sore. he cries and cries everytime we change him (which has been about once an hour since wednesday). he hadn't thrown up since wednesday night, and then last night he vommited all over the bed. double ugh. his fevers broken, but he still seems to be in pain. it's so much work making sure he stays hydrated. i've been offering him liquids every 2 hours...S is just on the phone with his parents in England. when he gets off we're going to take him back to emergency. 3 days of the shits is just too long.

last night was wonderful. the tostada was mah-ve-lous. S actually suggested desert, but i declined. i've never declined desert before. it scared and amazed me. hah.

todays eats
fruity oatmeal (yum)
1 cup skim milk
one sandwich with chicken breast, soy cheese and spicy mustard (2 points for bread)
superstore BLUE spicy black bean soup, 1 cup
supper is going to be mexicale pie from 3fatchicks CORE board

16 oz water
no exercise yet (i was supposed to go walking in the park with my friend but it looks like i'll have to cancel, drat)

i'm starting this early today, so i'll probably be back to update it a ton of times.

we're eating out tonight. & i'm just going to say it now, i'm going to get the tostada which is all CORE except for the shell that it sits on, the cheese, and the sauce on the chicken and the sour cream. when i start typing what isn't CORE it sounds less and less CORE. hah! the picture is of a tostada except at the restaurant i go to there's a ton more veggies and the shell is way smaller. i'm not going to hide and pretend to say like i'll get something good for me. which where we're going there's not much that would be considered WW friendly.

i want a tostada, so that's what i'm getting. i've come to realize that i can't order nachos (even though i love them like you wouldn't believe). this is my compromise.

wow, admitting that is making me feel so much better about the day already. we decided last night that we were going to go out for supper and i stressed all night about what i was going to get and what i was going to do (& i stressed out over the sick baby as well). i think sometimes coming to terms with behaviour is better than stressing about it.

todays eats
1/2 cup cottage cheese (1.5 points) with strawberries and applesauce
fruity oatmeal (apples, oatmeal, & banana). it was YUMMY.
1 cup skim milk
tostada from carlos and murphy's with guac and refried beans (sooo good)
snack later on the smart pop popcorn. (maybe, if i need it)

32 oz water
WATP 1 mile--1.5 AP

these are the latest numbers. taken by S just a few minutes ago. in the brackets are two numbers. the first number is from a month ago, the second the original number taken january 17.

arms: 14.5 inches (14, 15)
chest: 48 inches (47, 47.5)
waist: 45 inches (47, 50)
hips: 50.5 inches (50, 51.5)
thigh: 23 inches (24, 26)

there is some fluctation going on. i understand that your body is like your weight. it changes and fluctuates according to the time of day and the day.

i'm most impressed with my waist. down 5 inches! woot! and my thighs are down 3 inches. another woot! i guess all those crunches and lunges do pay off.

although i wish i knew what was going on with my chest. sigh. S will love this.

everything's on hold right now. i have a VERY sick baby. he spent most of yesterday vomitting and having diarehea (i cannot figure out how to spell that word). we went to emergency and were told to keep him hydrated with pedialyte and give him tylenol if he developed a fever. and of course he developed a fever late last night. he's so sad looking, it breaks my heart.

CORE is proving slightly harder than i thought it would. for example: fat free cottage cheese. i love cottage cheese. i could eat it every morning with some fruit and sometime with walnuts. yummy. well, i went grocery shopping yesterday morning before the sick baby began. i looked and looked for fat free cottage cheese. the only thing i could find was 1% cottage cheese. i began to think, maybe it was fat free cottage cheese. when i got home i had cottage cheese and unsweetened applesauce and strawberries. later i check the booklet and of course it appears that they are two different things. they both have the same amount of points, but only fat free is checked as CORE? zounds. of course i bought a huge container of it and I HATE WASTING FOOD, so i'll probably eat it exercise away the points?

last night after leaving the hospital i was so hungry and so upset and so tired that i couldn't think of cooking. we went to mcdonalds. i feel so embarassed about this. like i don't even want to write it down. i want to keep it secret, hush hush. i feel like i spend all my time here preaching change and healthy eating and following the plan and then what do i do the first day on the CORE plan? i gorge on mcdonalds. wtf? what is wrong with me? ugh. i am so disgusted with myself.

today's eats

1/4 cup cottage cheese (.75 pt), strawberries and unsweetened applesauce
cajun chicken salad: chicken, green and red peppers, fat free mayo, cajun seasoning, mushrooms
i made another salad for supper but added a lot more yummy things like radishes, red onions, avocado. the baby's fever got higher again this afternoon so i didn't have time to think of anything else to have
glass skim milk
i think later i'm going to have another little bit of cottage cheese (.75 pt)with some fruit. i did that. cottage cheese and strawberries and grapes and applesauce.



52 oz water
BL strength & sculpt (i snuck it in during first nap)--1.5 AP
i goat about halfway through the 'just my size yoga. it was my first time trying yoga and it's harder than it looks. it was relaxing though.

i went and registered at weight watchers last night. i was absolutely terrified driving there and i almost turned around twice. there were quite a few people there (like 50ish) which made it easier to blend into the background. at the begining of the meeting the leader asked if there were any new members. i raised my hand and she chatted with me for a while about why i picked ww ('because it's sensible' i said), why i picked today to start ('cause i finally had the money' i said), and if i knew anybody that did ww (i actually had spotted a woman from my church there, so i was able to say 'apparently i do'). i should have said, 'yes, i have a whole ring of blog friends that ww'. but then i would have had to explain what a blog was and the internet and things... the talk was interesting and funny. the leader seems great, she wasn't fluffy or overly happy. she seemed down to earth and cynical. just like me!

i read through the booklet and it's so nice having everything in one little booklet that fits in my purse. lovely! i've decided i'm going to try CORE. those foods on the list are foods I LOVE, well....except there were no breads or nachos or burgers...but i can deal with that. i've made a grocery list of the CORE foods (and foods for steve's lunches) and can't wait to go today. i can't wait to make things like barley soup, and steak and potatoes, and salads with oil and vinegar dressing... i suppose the biggest challenge with CORE is knowing when you are SATISFIED and stopping then. we'll see how it goes...

i have some questions though:
1. the points slider doesn't accomodate for half points. when i asked the woman that was explaining stuff to us new people, she said half points don't count. i think she misunderstood me. i know i can always check on the computer for really accurate points and that the slider is probably more for the store, right?

2.i read in the booklet that you can to as many MEETINGS in a week as you want, but you can only weigh in once. did i read that right? i could so see myself going during the day just for a meeting when i need a pick me up and weighing in on tuesday nights.

now the bad news...

the weight watchers scale said 247 pounds. i feel like a fluctuating floozie. i know it's still lower than what i started at (259 pounds) and it's only slightly higher than my lowest (244 pounds). but i just feel so icky about it. sigh. luckily, it's all downhill from here...

thanks for all the support ladies. knowing you guys are anxious to hear about my stuff makes it all seem so much easier.

that's the name of my churches new exercise group. last night was the first night. three other women showed up. we did the One Mile WATP routine. they seemed to like it. next week we're going to meet an hour later so more of the working women (hah, i love that) can make it (there were about 3 people that couldn't make it because they were still on their way home from work. next week we're going to meet at 7 PM and are going to do the 2 mile WATP workout. i think i'm going to go at 6:30 and just run some laps around the gym. i have to go early too to set up the dvd player. i'm electronically challenged and it could take me a while. last night i had to get the minister to hook it all up for me cause i couldn't figure it out.

i found this on the net and i quite like it. the verse at the bottome is 1Corinthians 10:31 and it reads : "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God" i think it's very important to remember. my church and it's members have always been caught up in fundraising and activities and plays and bake sales and teas and rummage sales and everything else that we forget that everything else we do should be/are doing for the glory of god. we forget to do things like exercise our faith (literally).

Exercise Your Faith.

tomorrow is the day. tomorrow i am going to join weight watchers. it's stupid but i'm scared. i'm scared to go. i feel like i'm the new kid about to start school. i'm worried i'll say the wrong thing, sit in the wrong spot, go to the wrong room, ask the wrong question. will the cool kids like me? will i succeed? i'm worried that i'm going shell out all this money and i won't lose any weight and i will have wasted all this money when we're so poor right now.

i'm also concerned about the goal weight ww picks for me. right now i'd be over the moon to weigh 200 pounds. if weight watchers says i'm supposed to weigh 160 pounds i don't know if i could ever do that. i don't know if i even want to do that. i understand that you can get your physician to set a different goal weight for you. i'm going to seriously consider this. i wonder how long you have to do that?

i'm also terrified that their scale is going to say 250 pounds or something even higher. i might cry if it says that. i know my home scale probably isn't calibrated properly and is probably reading the wrong weight, but it has been going down for me (although slowly). i'm such a worrier.

Me and the baby had a mango for lunch today. it was very yummy and sooooo good. we also had some plain yogurt. they are both new foods for the baby. he loves food so much and is such a good eater. i love seeeing his face experience a new food. the tastes. it's wonderful. he grimaces every time he has something new, but show it to him again and his little mouth opens right up and he hops up and down. teaching the baby about foods is also a good reminder for healthy eating for me too. if i don't want the baby to eat it, why am i eating it? why am i polluting my body with processed foods and junk?

we went out to a party last night and i drank a bottle of wine by myself. and i don't mean one of those little baby bottles of wine. i mean i had a BOTTLE of wine. it was nice and it was lovely and i was piss drunk by the end of the night. i don't want to think how many points all that booze and chips were (did i mention there was chips?), but i haven't drank in like 18 months (since before i was pregnant). there was so much laughter and good talking. i had such a good time.

i got a yoga dvd. it's called 'just my size yoga'. i haven't tried it yet, but i watched a bit of it and it seems like something that i can do. i haven't given yoga a try before but everybody raves about yoga so i thought i'd give it a try. i have another yoga dvd made by gaia but it's very intimidating for someone of my size and inexperience. that's why i was drawn to this 'just my size' dvd. the instructor is a plus sized woman, so you can see how it should look for a heavier size.

i got up this morning and did the BL strength and sculpt workout. i quite like this workout. some of the others are very difficult (it's those damn lunges and squats that do me in), but the s&s seems to be good. i can almost do all the crunches now. (reverse, side to side, and normal). woot! for me!!! then i did the watp one mile walk. i've been wearing ankle weights while i do that watp routines. it seems to help with the intensity. sure makes me feel it!

i'm starting an exercise group at my church and the first night we're meeting is tomorrow night. i'm not sure who all will show up and what their exercise abilities are going to be so i'm not entirely sure what we're going to do. i think for tomorrow i'm going to bring the watp dvd and we'll do the 1 mile workout. that's pretty gentle and adaptable to whatever needs you have. i'm hoping that it starts well and there's lots of people that come out. in the summer i want to be able to plan walks in the park with activities and stuff. i hope it's fun.

it's saturday and it's a beautiful spring day. me and my friend went for an hour walk this morning in the park. it was lovely. i was going to bring my brand new pedometer to count how many steps we went, but the battery was friggin' dead this morning. ugh. i want to take it back, but are they going to accept it if it's only a dead battery?

some things i was going over in my mind:

i have to remember that when i started this trip i weighed 259 pounds. i know weigh (as of yesterday morning) i weighed 245 pounds. that is a 14 pound loss. i have to remember what i've already lost, instead of constantly focusing on how much more i have to lose.

i have lost 14 pounds.

i am exercising nearly everyday for at least 20 minutes, sometimes an hour.

i am watching what i'm eating (to a degree, there's still binging going on, but not nearly as much as there used to be).

i am eating 3 meals a day. something i haven't done since i was like 10 years old. this in itself is something i'm so proud of.

this will be a slow lifelong process. i know this, i just have to keep reminding myself. it will not go away--ever. eating properly and adequate exercise are lifelong commitments.

today the scale said 245 pounds. i wish it said less. i'm glad it didn't say more. i'm surprised that it isn't a higher number considering my stupidity of the last week.

oh well. i'm going to go to weight watchers on tuesday and their scale will probably say something completely different. i don't want to weigh over 250 pounds again. that worries me.

i've gone for very long walks (in total 160 minutes of walks).

i've eaten three meals a day.

i've drank all my water.

i've not had a cigarette.

i've done everything right.

except for eating those 2 chocolate bars.

except for eating half of the pringles.

except for having that half a beer.

except for putting butter on my bun.

i'm currently dreaming about having popcorn. microwaved popcorn. mmmmmm....it's calling to me. can't you hear it? 'eat me, eat me, eat me. i'm so yummy and greasy and wonderful.'

it's smart pop popcorn so i just might go and devour it.

**update**
two things

it's late and i'm not tired and i'm munching away on a bag of smart pop popcorn. it's quite enjoyable and i don't feel guilty at all b/c after i made today's post i went and did the strength and sculpt BL workout AND then i did the 1 mile watp walk.

i stepped on the scale earlier today and it said 245...i hope it goes down by tomorrow so that i can at least have maintained throughout this craziness.

i have some questions about weight watchers and would really appreciate it if anybody could give me some answers so i know what to expect (sortof).

• what do you do at these meetings?
• how long do they last?
• how does the weigh in work?
• how does my goal weight get picked?
• once i've registered do i have to keep going to that same time (cause there's like six different meeting times at this one location)
• what do i get????

that's about all i can think of. i'm going to take this slow. if i've learned anything from my wonderful and wacky weight loss journey is that when i take things too fast i flounder and give up and gain more weight and end up feeling 10 times more disgusted with myself.

the only thing that's making me not break down and cry about last week is the fact that i am still under my starting weight. phew.

i almost forgot to ask, 'is it wrong to bring the baby to these ww meetings?' i can leave the baby with S but my hopeful plan is to walk to these meetings and i love to take the baby for walks. (the air does him in) obviously if the meeting is 2 hours long i wouldn't bring him, but if it's like half an hour it would be okay, right? or not? someone let me know, i don't want to commit a ww faux pas.

My first oficial meeting of weight watchers will be next tuesday at 7:30 pm. i know that going to these meetings are soemthing that will only do me good but i'm still terrified of going there by myself. and of course the lady wasn't much help when i called the 800 number. she started spewing off times and locations faster than i could write them down. there was even an audible sigh when i asked how much ww cost. i would have thought that the person answering the phone would have done some encouragement. something like, "weight watchers, congratulations you've taken the right step to a healthier you" or "weight watchers, x speaking, can i help you to find a meeting in your area?". something postive, anything positive instead of "weight watchers, x speaking". i'm so not a fan of poor customer disservice.

in the mean time i'm going to exercise every day and eat 3 meals a day in preperation for this. i'm not quite ready to go back to counting points again.

sigh. back to step one. i pretty much took all of last week off and to tell the truth i didn't really feel very most nights. too much crap and junk.

i called weight watchers this morning and have found the location of the meeting closest to me and how much it costs. i got a wicked awesome tax return so i'm thinking of using a portion of that to join ww and buy a bunch of weeks. i realize i need the in person support that a meeting would bring. S and the internet just aren't cutting it.

on the plus side i'm organizing an exercise group at my church. we're going to meet monday nights and to start with do some 'sweatin' to the oldies' or 'walk away the pounds'. eventually when it's nicer i would like to go walking in the park.

&

my friend and i are going to go walking/jogging every saturday morning. we went last week and walked for just over an hour and it didn't even feel like it at all!

&

me and same friend as saturday morning have signed up for an exercise class that starts in april on wednesday nights.

i just needed a little kick in the butt i guess.

the totally terrific thrusday did not end well. hubby went out with the father in law tonight and i was bored and started eating baked lays with cheese melted on top of them. my rationale? well, they're baked lays and the cheese is low fat. where's the roll eyes emoticon when i need one?

then hubby comes home with a&w. specifically a mozza burger combo for me. i love him to pieces and i gobbled it down right away. even the root beer.

i think i'm going to take a break from the ww thing for a few days. try and sort my head out. eat whatever. se how i feel. i'm still going to exercise though.

the totally terrific thursday is progressing well.

food today:

cottage cheese and pineapples-3 points
cheerios and skim milk--6 points
roast beef, mashed potatoes and pasta salad--17 points

26 points total

i haven't exercised yet, but i plan to during survivor.

i just hope the baby stays sleeping.

i have decided that today is going to be a totally terrific thursday. i am going to exercise, make wise food decisions and drink my water today. no matter what!

tomorrow is weigh in day. i'm not to optimistic about it. i haven't eaten properly all week and when i have illegaly stepped on the scale it's said not so nice things (5 pounds up, maintain, 4 pounds up, 2 pounds up--up, up, up, all up, grrrr). i know i have no one to blame but myself, but still...i'm so used to blaming other things that it's hard to stop.

see this bag of chips?

no you don't cause they're gone now. in my tummy.

i hadn't had chips in sooooo long. i can't believe how fast i ate them...

today is going better so far. of course it's only 9:45 AM. of course there's still lots of day left. so far i've had cottage cheese and pineapples and done 20 minutes of the biggest loser. feeling good and feeling strong.

these last few days have not been going well.

i think i'm on a break.

i'm needing motivation of some kind and i don't know what. i know what i should be eating and to a degree i am eating it, i'm just eating more of it. LOT'S more of it.

i'm beginning to think i'm having problems b/c i did stop journalling my food. this is such an excuse, but it takes so much time to journal. after every meal i was going into 3 fat chicks and entering my food into my Food Accountability Thread and it just seemed to be a lot of work. now, i know losing weight is a lot of work and commitment, but i just can't seem to rationalize this in my brain. le sigh. le big sigh.

however, i did get off my butt twice today and do exercise. i did the 1 mile watp and then during The Amazing Race i did 1/2 an hour of independant watp moves with some jogging in place thrown in. i jogged in place for 2 minutes twice and then i did a 1 minute burst later on! one thing i can't wait for is for all this silly snow to melt so i can go outside to the park and run with S and the baby.

• My Family (even though my parents and grandparents drive me crazy, i love them to bits and wouldn't know what to do if they weren't around)
• My Baby (he's a lot of work, but he's worth it)
• S (he's also a lot of work, but he's worth it too--hehe, let's see if he reads this)
• My Health (I can breathe, I can walk, I can talk, I can choose to loose weight)
• My Country (I love Canada and am so proud to live here)
• My Church & Spirituality (even though my fellow church members also drive me crazy, i do realize that we are stronger b/c we are a community in Christ and are always seeking to do the right thing)
• My Friends (my peeps are wonderful and always here for me--just when i seem to need them the most

i just couldn't do it today.

i just couldn't do the points today.

today started out all wrong. i didn't have any breakfast before i left for church. time just slipped away from me. then i had to go run an errand for my grandma right after church and by that time i was starved and wanted nothing but a burger, fries and pop. so i got it. the big mac meal with diet coke. it was delish, especially the ketchup on those golden fries. hubby got the double quarter pounder with cheese meal and then didn't eat half his fries, so i ate them. gobbled them up is more like it. sigh. i know i should feel guilty and bad and mad at myself...but i don't. then we moved right along to supper: chicken, potatoes, gravy and pasta salad. the apres supper snack of popcorn and a cooler finished off this sunday of gorging. le sigh. le big sigh.

last night we went out for chinese food and i think i did okay with points. i had half a beer (1 point) and spicy peanut and beef satay soup (sooo yummy) and their #17 combination (which is a vermicelli dish filled with delicious things). i'm guessing 8 points for the soup and 12 for the vermicelli. then we went to Dairy Queen for ice cream and instead of getting a large blizzard i made a wise food choice and got a small dipped cone (8 points).

although i still went over my points and had to dip into my flex points, it was just that a dip (hah, no pun intended), it wasn't a full out gorge.

i don't know what our plan for today is. i'm going to tidy up and then do a watp and then i think we're heading to the mall.

cheers!

now that i know i have an audience i thought i'd post some pics of me and my family. i thought you guys might enjoy them.

that's my little man. he's almost 9 months old and he's one of the reasons i want to get healthy and lose the weight. i want to always be here for him and i want to be a good roll model for him. i can't really remember my parents exercising on a daily basis--even a weekly basis. they just never seemed to. but once i started to gain the weight it suddenly became a big issue and i should exercise and eat better, etc... if i tell my baby to exercise i want it to be because we're doing it together.



this is the baby and the husband, S. they are so cute together. you gotta love the daddy and baby pictures. they're always good for an...awwwww...

i'm not brave enough to post a picture of myself yet. maybe later. another day. another month.

Down 1 pound this morning. Woot!

i do have to admit that i haven't been sticking to my weigh myself only once a week rule. i have been stepping on that evil/nice/dual personality number teller. i haven't been obsessing over what it says...okay maybe i have. this week i will not stand on that damn scale until the appropriate day. promise...well i'll promise to try.

i've been thinking about why i like the exercise so much. i have come to some conclusions about it:

• the control-- I decide how much i'm going to exercise/lift weights. it is a measurable activity that i can do. when i eat right and count my points there's still no guarantee that i'm going to be able to see a lower number on the scale or move my ticker down. with exercise i know that if i exercise for 30 minutes, i've exercised for 30 minutes and my 3 fat chicks ticker gets to be moved. it shows progress and i like that.
• the way it makes me feel--that's right, i like the sweat and the burn and the heavy breathing. i never thought i would, but i'm beginning to enjoy it.
• the inches come off faster than the pounds--in total since the first time S measured me on January 17th i have lost 7 inches off my body. how cool is that?

this last week i am feeling like an exercise machine. i got my watp dvd and i have been enjoying it and doing it everyday sometimes twice! (except for saturday & sunday, but i wanted to, i just ran out of time)

i read somewhere (probably on 3 Fat Chicks) that once you get into exercising, it will no longer be a chore--you will want to do it. at the time i went 'pshaww...who actually wants to do exercise?'...well me apparently. i'm thinking less about what i'm going to shove in my face and more about what/how i'm going to exercise next. i'm even starting to think about what i'm going to do once the snow melts and i can get outside to run. yesterday i jogged in place (more dificult than it looks) for a minute and didn't feel like i was going to die. imagine that, me, jogging in place without dying! that hasn't happened since i was a toddler!