Well, it's been a while. I haven't posted in almost a month. I've been uber busy and not had much creativity. I've also not been working on anything that I usually post about. We've fallen off the money bandwagon sort off (I'll admit that I've pulled out my cc a few times in the last month), I've barely made any crafts/crocheting (honestly!), and I've not been in the mood for any lists. :P

I went on holiday to Calgary (see that expired ticker up there?). Had fun. Took a zillion pictures. Went over budget (but not by much). Came back. I've been busy, busy, busy, busy since then. Actually, this post has taken me 3 days to write. :P The Children's Ministry is going well. I find it hard and scary and chaotic, but exciting, rewarding, and fun all at the same time. My full time work is there and boring. Same ol' same ol'. At home we are in full swing for Christmas now. Getting things ready and getting organized is tough work. lol. I've got a zillion things I want to do before Christmas...and I hope to get 5 done.

Due to a stroke of luck (ok, it's not luck, it's called being a Public Servant) I received an extra week's vacation this year. woot for me! I thought about saving them for an 'emergency', but then I said fuck-it and booked off the Christmas Break. I had a few days left of Annual Leave as well, so I am off from 19 Dec to 03 Jan!!!!!!!!! 2 weeks!!!! I'm so excited and have big plans....but will be happy and settle for lazing around and watching TV.

It's good to be back! How is everyone else doing?

It was exactly 1 year ago that I resurrected the Blog and started posting on a regular basis again. Time has really flown! In that post I wrote about how there were 3 big things going on in my life...

1. Getting Finances Back on Track. Never should 2 spenders marry. NEVER. It leads to financial disarray. It leads to 80% of our income being spent on dining out, booze, and smokes. The last 3 years have been carefree and fun...but alas the party is over. WE ARE ON A DEBT DIET.

2. All Things Crafty. I'm a crafting machine. I like to think about it. I like to do it. I like to talk about it. I like to write about. I'm feeling the craftiness.

3. Discerning a Call. There's this squiggly, niggly feeling at the back of my head that I should be (need to be) doing something different. Like there's a bigger plan for me.

I have made a resolution. and yes, I know I made a resolution last year, but this one is different.

In 2008 I will lose 25 pounds.

Now, I know that realistically I need to lose over 100 pounds. In the past I have always said, "this is the year that I am going to take it all off". Well, as you can see it hasn't worked, so I'm trying something considerably different. I weighed myself this morning and I was 274 pounds. By December 31, 2008 I will weight 249 pounds, nothing more, nothing less.

I spent the last six months of 2007 maintaining my weight. I fluctuated between 269 & 276. With mostly sitting around 273-4 pounds. I think I've learned what I can eat to stay the same and how much I can eat to stay the same.

Now, I just need to learn how to make healthier choices, so I lose weight. I need to learn to make healthier choices so that I become a healthy person. I'm tired of being out of breath. I'm tired of being tired of doing up my shoelaces. I'm tired of not fitting my clothes. I'm tired of being tired.

My 2007 Retrospective

Well...a lot happened in 2007.

Some highlights and lowlights.

1. We bought a house. We looked and looked. & ended up buying a house that needs quite a bit of work and is 100 years old.

2. My Grandpa got very sick and passed away. It was sad.

3. We traveled a bit--If you call Fargo travelling. :P

4. We bought a new car. 2004 Echo. Da Blue Car and we love it!

5. I got the swanky Gov't job where I don't really work but get paid well and for 12 months of the year. In exchange for the swankiness I had to say good bye to some really fantastic and wonderful people at AMVC. That made me sad.

6. I met with a shrink regarding my anxiety problems and even though it was just an assessment it totally helped and made me feel 10000 times better. I am on the wait list to meet with a shrink one on one with a shrink. He diagnosed me with mild OCD compounded by a phobia.

7. We tried to have a babay for the year. Although 'try' is probably too strong a word. We didn't prevent not having a baby. Hopefully 2008 will be our year.

8. Andrew continues to enhance and add to our lives in so many ways. He is talking in sentences now. & likes to offer his opinion. He is going to Daycare and loves it there. He is Gabby's favorite.

9. Steve started a new job as well. It is a job with a potential future and the pay is better. It is not the final jobl, but it is a start.

10. I proved that I work well under crazy situations in the Flood of 07. We relocated, I drove clear across the city and back and then did it all again every day. We set up office in a temp school and then set our office back up at AMVC. I organized the back room and we sent 21 boxes to shredding. I am a valuable employee.

This update is just for you Foxy.

I don't have much to report. I bought a scale. I weighed myself. I'm now officially fatter then when I was 9 months pregnant with Andrew.
I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I continue to go to the Gym. I make it to at least 2 Classes a week. I enjoy Group Step and Group Kick and am trying to gather up the courage to go to Group Power.

We move in just over one month. I've started packing and prepping for moving. Anyone that wants to help...just let me know. We have 14 days to move so there are plenty of days available for helping. Hah!

Andrew is 2 and driving me crazy. This is not a good age.

I'm laid of work now until August 7th. I'm bored and want to go back. This staying at home with a 2 year old really sucks. I need sanity.

Steve is enjoying his new job. On the 17th he gets to go on the road for the day to watch an install and he seems excited. One month and a bit until his benefits kick in. I'm most excited about that.

That's about it for catching up.

In brief:

1. The IL's arrive on Thursday. I'm dreading their arrival, yet excited as I know Steve only gets to see his parents once a year. I am worried that I will want to kill them b/c they are here for 3 weeks and yet I am excited b/c Andrew will get to spend lots of time with his grandparents (& hopefully this means Mommy will get to go to the Gym more often).

2. I did not weigh in this week as my weigh in partner was in Minneapolis getting rained on. I think this is for the best, as I am pretty sure I am just gaining more weight.

3. I have now been to the Group Step and Group Kick class at Shapes and I quite enjoyed the classes. I'm sore as Fuck but wanting to go back. That is definitely a good sign. I've been to the Group Kick class twice now and I'm starting to get the hang of the moves. I want to try the Group Centergy class next.

4. We have bought a house. Moving day is August 15th. I'm stressing about money and moving and all that stuff. Our lease runs up August 1st and I was in a right panic b/c we were not going to have anywhere to live for 15 days but luckily our building is going to let us stay until September 1st. Phew.

5. The other secretary at my school went for a job interview for a kick ass job today. I feel bad but I don't want her to get it, I don't want to risk having to work with someone new who I might not get along with and might be crazy. I'm trying so hard to be positive for her, when all I want to do is not let her go.

6. Foodwise things have been so-so. We have defiintely ate out less in the last 2 weeks. I have been eating lunch at work that I have prepared and brought with me. I have had breakfast the last few days. But I still crave burgers and fries and that is what we've been eating when we've gone out. So not a good choice. :(

When I worked at elementary schools the children often did these every Friday--This Week At School. It was always a fun thing for them to do and I loved reading what they wrote.

So, This Week At LIfe....

1. I ate not one but two chocolate bars on secretary's day. The problem is that they didn't even taste that good, but I still kept eating them. :(

2. We might be buying a house. We're going to put an offer in tonight.

3. I had a bad day at work yesterday. The other secretary wasn't there so I was on my own and for most of the morning it was standing room only in the office and there is nothing that gives me The Rage like teenagers that don't shut the fuck up when they've been sent to the office for misbehaving. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'd say the high point was when I put one girl in the corner b/c she would not stop talking and then from the corner, a mere 2 feet from me, said quite loudly in a whiny whiny voice 'you guys suck, and I wish I could backhand you all' and then later on as I'm trying to explain to the vice what she said 'You don't know the whole fucking story why don't you just shut the fuck up'. (hmmm, the more I think about it the more I think it might have been 'why don't you just shut your mouth). Anyways, regardles, I don't like being sworn at especially in that whiny whiny voice. Ugh.

4. Needless to say b/c of standing room only morning I gorged on Rally Burgers at lunch.

5. I did exercise quite a bit this week. Twice at the gym and two times(maybe 3?) at home while watching the Biggest Loser.

6. I have to look at revamping my strength training. I am just not sore the next day. It hurts while I am lifting my 5 pound weights, but the next day--nada. Maybe it's time to move to 8 pounders?

7. My house is messy but I just seem to not be able to clean it. It's summer and my anxiety is definitely returning. I am afraid to clean because I am afraid I will find bugs. It's a vicious circle and it generally ends up with me screaming at my husband. :( Fuck I hate being like this. I wish that damn anxiety clinic would phone. I've been on the wait list for one year now. :(

8. We had tacos last night. They were yummy. I wish we had gone to Mongos though, but I had taken the beef out a couple days and I really wanted to make sure we used it.

9. Last night we went to our apartment buildings sauna for the first time. Yes folks, we've lived here 9 months and this is the first time. It was nice, nicer then I was expecting. We also sat out on our balcony for the firs time too. We picked this place largely b/c it had a balcony and we were all keen about sitting outside on it. It was chilly but nice.

10. We are having one of Steve's friends over tonight probably. I hope there will be more sauna and more sitting on the balcony, consuming the beverages. We will either be celebrating or comiserating.

Just a thought--I wonder how many people I can get to help move this time? It will be the sixth move in 5 years. I can't wait to tell my friends that there will be another moving day. HAH!

It's time. I can't hide behind anything anymore.

I'm not losing weight. I'm the highest I've been(not counting pregnancy weight)in my life. But hell, with Andrew the highest I was weighed at was 272 pounds. I was 262.2 last week, that's not that fucking far off. I remember being pregnant and being this weight and feeling so fat and so unable to...just do...anything. I felt so big and never wanted to feel that way again...and yet here I am. I look about 6 months pregnant.

Fuck.

I'm maid of honor in a wedding this September. We went and tried on dresses yesterday and I looked ugly. That's it. Just fat and ugly. I don't know how I'm going to wear a dress all night long and have people look at me. I don't even know why I'm going to spend 200 bucks on a dress that's a size 24.

Fuck.

When I put my clothes on they don't seem to fit anymore. My wardrobe is rapidly diminishing. When I wear socks they are leaving lines b/c they're too small. I only want to wear turtleneck sweaters b/c I don't want people seeing my double chin.

Fuck.

I suppose I should list some of the good things I have been doing so that this post ends on a positive note and I don't end up simply sounding like a pathetic loser.

Carrie's List of Good Things

1. I joined a gym. I have gone 10 times since I joined. See my ticker up there?

2. I've got a ticker. I've got goals. I'm working towards reaching them.

3. I did lose weight at the last weigh in.

4. Starting April 2 I will be walking to and from work. That is a half hour walk each way. When it is nicer and all the snow has melted I might even ride my bicycle.

5. I am becoming accountable. I'm joining the new TB weight loss challenge.

the CWLE (see this post http://thatnamesalreadytaken.blogspot.com/2007/01/weight-loss-challenge.html) ended today.

Needless to say I did not win. My final weight? 262.2. 2.2 pounds UP from what I started at. Fuck, I suck. My friend now has 100 bucks that she is off to buy clothes with. She lost 11 pounds and I'm super proud of her, i just wish that I could be equally as proud of me.

We're doing it again. Heck, I figure if it keeps her losing weight then it's all good, right? And, I might lose some weight too, right?

I'm still feeling sick, but I'm dealing with it. I went to the gym last night. I did most of the exercises I posted, but truthfully i didn't do any crunches or walking lunges, b/c I'm scared to draw attention to myself. It's easier to blend into a machine, y'know?

I'm going to the gym tomorrow.

Well folks, I'm back on the wagon...sort of. It's sad that I feel like I can only post in my blog when I'm on the weightloss bandwagon. If I don't post about it, it can't be happening right?

Well, in a nutshell this is what has happened in the last few weeks:

--My school flooded. It was very stressful and we've been moved to a temporary location, right by my house.
--good you think, right? wrong. daycare is on other side of city by my school therefore doubling my driving time. I drive 25 minutes to daycare, to drive practically right back to where I live...twice a day...
--I gained weight.
--The staff banded together in the stressful situation and ate....a lot.
--I gained weight
--I got tired from all the stress and driving and went to bed like every other night at 8 PM.
--I gained weight.
--I realized I feel like shit and I look shit so I thought about joining a gym for 2 weeks.
--After thinking in depthly about joining a gym I took the plunge and went and joined a gym that is like 3 blocks from house.


I weighed in today and I was 258.4. For a while I was above 260...

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. The Secret is the power of positve thinking right? :P