but, shit happens right? & you gotta deal, right? & you gotta pick yourself up and carry on, right?

my husband lost his job yesterday. now we're fucked. (excuse the language)

i'm so mad because we were finally getting all our shit together...and BAM this happens.

Well, we did it. We refinanced our consolidation loan and added the line of credit and our credit card debt onto it. We left the car loan where it is. I'm not sure if that is the wisest choice, but right now it's the easiest.

Like I said before, this is the third time I have consolidated since 2004. It makes me feel ill when I think about how 7 months ago we consolidated all our debt and said, "This is it--no more debt" and yet somehow there was another 6K to add onto the loan. Sure, we reno'ed the kitchen...but really that only accounts for 2K of that 6K. It makes me queasy just thinking about the amount of money we (ok, mostly I) spend on 'stuff'.

My name is Carrie & I have a spending problem.

The New Freedom 35 Plan

Consolidation Loan - to be paid off in April, 2012
Car Loan - to be paid off in September, 2013
British Loan - to be paid off in November, 2009
House - to be paid off in 2048 (it sure does sound scarey when I put that year out there).

So, now that we've mastered staying in the black in our chequing account (18 days now), our next plan is to set aside money every month for an emergency fund...and then after we master that, it's going to be debt reduction.

The Salvation Army was having a 50% off of clothing sale today. My eyes glazed over and I went crazy with sweaters to unravel. I picked up 5 sweaters (pictured below), a set of knitting needles, and a roll of thick string (which is always handy to have around the house for tying up stuff) for just under 16 bucks. Score!

Here are my scores before I wash them and with the Sally Ann Tags still on them.
The Pink Sweater (handmade..some kind of angora maybe?--i'm seeing a shawl out of this)

The Purple Sweater (acrylic & cotton, it feels delish and will make an excellent scarf and hat)

The Red Sweater (100% cotton...here come the dishcloths!)

The Cream Sweater (acryllic & wool, nice and soft--i see a cabled hat with a brim, y'know?)

The Beige Sweater (100% cotton--The Dishcloths march on!)

All Stacked Up!

Since Christmas we've been watching Buffy and Angel. Watching a TV series as a whole is much more interesting then watching episodes week to week with the possiblity of missing one or two or most of the episodes. You really become involved with the characters and the plots. They almost seem to become your friends. Hah!

We're on Season 3 of Angel now and I just want to say...Lorne is my all time favourite Joss Whedon character. At first I really liked Xander. & then Anya. But then I met The Host. His greatness towers over Xander and Anya (although they are definitely in my Top Five Joss Whedon characters).

He is the host with the most. He's honest, he's funny, he's astute, he's hard to kill, he likes karoake, he's green, he's chicken, he's sweet, he's got horns. What more could a girl want? What more could anyone want?

The episodes that take place on his home world, Pylea, are so far my favorites. "Do the dance of shame!" Hah. Incapacitating people with his wondrous voice. Awesome. Averting death b/c his head can be reattached to his body. Priceless.

I sure do hope that Lorne stays in the show and that his character gets awesomer and awesomer. :)

PS. My Top Five Joss Whedon Characters would go like this:

1. Lorne
2. Anya
3. Xander
4. Malcolm (from Firefly)
5. Glory (although I realize you're not supposed to like her, but she was trying to do in Michelle Trachtenberg--who very nearly wrecked the show for me).

Cheers!

This week at life:

1. I went to a 2 day Writing Skills course. I now know about Independant Clauses and Subordinate Clauses, and adverbs, and adjectives, and apostrophe's. None of which was used correctly in that sentence. :)

2. I went for lunch with a work acquaintance. She assured me that it was okay to take longer then the 1 hour lunch. We were gone 1.5 hours and she was showing me around her workstation when we got back (we work for the same place, just in different areas) and apparently it was NOT okay. Her boss freaked out on her--in front of me! I feel like shit now. & I'm sure she does too. Fuck, her boss needs to take a course on how manage people effectively. What a shitty way to start the weekend.

3. Tomorrow we are going for supper and a swim at my friends house. I'm tres excited; she's one of my only friends that thinks of activities that include Andrew. For that, I'm truly thankful. (& hopefully I used that semi colon correctly there!)

4. Tomorrow we have an appt at the bank and we need to decide if we are going to consolidate all our debt....again. If we do consolidate, it will be the third time I've consolidated in 6 years. :( Kind of makes me sad when I think about it that way. Gotta. Curb. The. Spending.

5. I'm trying to decide what we should do when Steve's parents come to visit in May. We usually go on a little trip when they come here. The first year we rented a cabin and then last year we went to the states. They want to go to Gimli this year...but I don't know if I'm down with that. *Sigh* I wish there were more exciting places to visit in Manitoba.

Anyways...cheers everyone! Have a rockin' weekend! (I thought the picture was adorable)

Today I did a bad, bad thing.

I cancelled my appointment with my shrink today b/c I haven't done the assignment she gave me the last time I met with her. I don't know why I can't get it together on this issue. I waited so long to be a part of this anxiety program...and now I can't seem to focus on getting better.

My task was to do five minute intervals of cleaning upstairs. i can't do it. i couldn't do it. i couldn't bring myself to go upstairs and do something other then sleep. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. I know that the avoidance only gives short term 'relief' but increases the long term anxiety. I need to be brave. I need to expose myself.

Am I going to tell my shrink that I lied to get out of this week? Am I going to brave the upstairs and do my assignment?

as you can see from the ticker on the right....we have not gone into the overdraft in 14 days! this is awesome for us. it has seriously been years since we've stayed in the black. i'm so proud of us right now. i'm beaming. & steve gets paid tomorrow so unless the daycare fees cheque and the house insurance both get withdrawn before midnight tonight we should totally still be good to go!

for ease of viewing. i've been in love with Narnia ever since I was a little kid. This is so exciting for me!

Here's the truth about knitting. It terrifies me. Totally terrifies me. But at the same time I see so many beautiful patterns that I want to make. So. Many. Things. Welcome to 'Carrie's Knitting 101'. I plan to watch some how-to videos and then buy knitting needles and attempt to make something.

Knitting 101

Getting started - This is how you Cast On

Basic Stitches - Continental Method of Knit Stitch & Continental Method of Purl Stitch

Finishing - This is how you Cast Off

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way...what am I going to make? Hah!

This would be a good project to learn how to increase...but increasing is too scary for a first project.

I'm looking around...but everything seems so involved and complicated.

This looks exactly like something I want to do...but I'm terrified for knitting with 4 needles. eeks.

What does everyone suggest for a first project...remember though...I'm not allowed to buy anymore thread. I'm in destash mode so a smaller project is preferred. Give me ideas!

PS. This just occured to me...do left handed folks knit differently then right handed folks? Gah. So much to think about.

I really want to apply for this Childrens Ministry Coordinator position at my church. The deadline is May 1st. That's fast approaching! I've got the job description sitting here in front of me. I've got my resume as well. Ditto on the notes I've been making for the past week.

Problem? Writers Block. I don't have a single clue what to write in the cover letter. I don't even know what I need to include in this cover letter. My Spiritual Philosophy (if I even have one?)? My vision of church school and children's ministry (again, even if I have one)? Do I include my spiritual story? How did I get here? Or do I just concentrate on the skills that are listed in the job description? Am I overthinking again? Simply put, yes.

Fact: The Job Description does not (in any way) ask for spiritual philosophys and visions of children's ministry.

Fact: The Job Description lists duties that are similar to what a clerk & teacher assistant do.

From those 2 facts one would surmise that I overthink situations WAY too much...especially ones related to jobs.

The questions I posed in the previous paragraph are intriguing though. What do I bbelieve in? How did I get there? What is my vision for children's ministry? adult ministry? family ministry? ministry in general? Why do I second guess myself? Why? Why? Why?

This is the new plan: Short & Sweet and Captivating. Here goes nothing...

Dear Rev. XXXXX and congregation of XXXXX United Church,

Please accept this letter and attached resume as my application for employment with XXXX United Church as the Children's Ministry Co-ordinator. As you can see from the attached resume my experience, enthusiasm, committment, and skills would an excellent fit for XXXXX's vibrant and lively Children's Ministry Program.

My work experience has allowed me the opportunity to develop many different skills that would compliment the four main roles of Children's Ministry Co-ordinator that have been outlined on the Job Description. I have significant experience working with children and youth of all ages and abilities in a variety of settings. In my current role as Data Entry Clerk I am responsible for providing all aspects of clerical and administrative support.

I have been a member of the United Church all my life and very active in the life and work of YYYYY United Church, taking part in Worship & Music, Ministry & Personnel, and Christian Development, while I attended. I have also completed my Bachelor of Arts with a major in Religious Studies.

I am eager and excited to work alongside Rev. XXXXX and the members of XXXX United to ensure the Children's Ministry Program is a setting where children and youth have a safe and loving environment to explore their spirituality and their understanding of God at their level. It would be an honour to be selected for this position.

I look forward to hearing from you. If you have any further questions I can be reached at: xxxxxx or xxxxxxx. Thank you for considering my application for this position

Sincerely,

xxxxxx

Thoughts? Ruthless Criticism? Grammar/punctuation/spelling Nazi's? Bring it on.

I need help with this. I have never been so lost when applying for a job before & I desparately want to do this.

This is Andrew at the zoo last Sunday. We had a great time.


Andrew is very nearly 3 years old now. His birthday is in June and we are trying to decide what we should do for his birthday. Who to invite? Kids too? Where to go? What to do? Maybe even 2 parties (one for friends and one for family)? Have a party at home or go somewhere?

It's hard making all these parenting decisions. I want everything we pick to be memorable and fun and the best that it can be. But it's hard to know what a 3 year old wants to do and who he wants to spend his birthday with, y'know?

1. Will I ever be skinny?

2. What should I make next (craftwise). maybe some booties? gah so many decisions.

3. Where should I go grocery shopping this week. it's a toss up between Superstore and Safeway. I like Superstores prices but Safeways familiarity.

4. How many books should I limit myself to buying at the used book sale today? Or better yet, what kind of price limit should I get for the book sale? I definitely want to look through the crafting section and see what there is for patterns.

5. How am I going to remember to bring my reusable shopping bags and bins when we go to the store...even for small trips? we have so manhy of them and yet they just seem to sit here, at home...lonesome and unused. maybe a sign?

6. How am I going to wash these washable pads that I'm wearing right now? Rinse and wash or soak and rinse and wash?

7. What can I write about next in the blog?

8. How can I be more green? What can we as a family do next? (Gotta get that composter)

9. How am I going to apply for this Childrens Ministry Coordinator Position?

10. How worried am I about BPA? Should I throw out all my plastic and tinned cans?

Cheers!

What are all you guys thinking of today?

I used to work in schools as a Teacher Assistant. One thing a lot of the younger grades would do is “This Week At School” or TWAS for short. It was always very cute. This week at school…I ate pancakes and played outside and X is no longer my friend. Priceless stuff. Good times. I was doing this on my old blog. It’s a nice tradition that I would like to keep up.

This week at life.

1. We’re going for sushi tonight. It’s all you can eat sushi and I’m EXCITED. My only goal is to stop eating before I feel sick though.

2. Tomorrow I’m giving blood, going to a used kids stuff sale, and going to the used book sale at St. Vital shopping centre. I’m going to be a busy bee.

3. Work has been…okay. I’m here. I do things. I went to another location yesterday and I’m going to be helping them out at least one half day a week…hopefully more.

4. Gails Magic Money Jars have been working for us. We are not following them exactly. There is niggling room in our budget right now for the odd lunch out or other fun things. But it has been over 1 week since we have gone into the overdraft. This alone is huge for us. We have also been making sizeable payments on our utility bills. By the end of this month the balances should be Zero. That is sweet.

5. I’ve been thinking of getting back on the weight loss bandwagon. For the past 6 months I have been weighing myself everyday & for the last 6 months I have maintained. I have fluctuated between 5 pounds down and 5 pounds up…but mostly hovering around the same weight. I’d like to see that number go down and stay there….without becoming obsessed about food and eating and dieting. Maybe lots of fruits and vegetables and lean proteins and good carbs—and NO JUNK FOOD. If I could exercise a little bit and not have chips and candy and cake and tacos then I could probably get somewhere (maybe?). I’ve got to do something about my weight. Really, I need to lose 100 pounds to be even ‘normal’…130 to be ‘thin’. My dream is to be able to shop at normal person stores and buy clothes at superstore.

I’m going to do my VERY FIRST craft sale in early May. I’m sharing the table with another crafter so the investment is minimal—only 10 dollars plus snacks.
Now the questions begin. What to sell? Should I be madly making more crafts? Should I be making different items? How should I price things? How should I display them? What should I use for a money box? What about getting across my upcycling without sounding horribly crunchy? What about business cards? How much change should I bring? Should I buy other crafters stuff? Should I even do this? *Gulp*

There I go. Over thinking again. It’s silly to get so worked up over a craft sale, huh?

I will definitely bring & am thinking of these prices:

• Mesh Bags (I have 3 of them I think)—$10
  


• Plarn Bags (I have 2 of them made—will work on more by May)—$15 to $20 (size dependant)
  


• Dishcloths (I have over a dozen of those)—$2 each or $5 for 3
  


• Scarves & Toques (I have a couple of these that I made. I know it’s the wrong season…but just in case I start running out of product I’ll bring them)—between $15 to $20 (again size dependent)
  

I definitely want to bring more stuff at a variety of price points. However, the goal (as always) is to destash. I have so much thread that I have promised myself that I won’t buy anymore until I use it all (although that is not stopping me from taking free sweaters to unravel)

Things I am thinking of making to sell provided I can find nice patterns:

• Slippers - http://www.craftown.com/crochet/pat1.htm
  http://stashaholic.com/2005/03/03/finally--something-for-me.aspx?62ab45d0
  


• Baby Booties - http://my-pattern.blogspot.com/2007/07/baby-flower-sock.html
  http://megan.cc/BooteeDaisy/
  


• Summer hats (but I don’t have any cotton so they would be in acrylic…which would give them a wintry feel)
  


• Tea Cosies
  


• Fruit Sweaters
  

Really, I just hope to break even.

If anyone has display advice or pricing advice or any kind of craft sale advice I’m all ears.

Cheers!

in some ways, in some days, in some fashion i think God is calling me to ministry. i have absolutely no idea why he (she?) would be doing this as i am certainly not what you would call devout or obedient or willing to take a vow of poverty (for example).

years ago i took this crazy religious studies degree at the u of w. it was really quite silly how i ended up majoring in religious studies. in my first 'year' (really two years cause i went part time) i took a variety of courses in a variety of faculties and my intro to the bible course was one of the ones i did the best in (without being completely bored to tears) so i decided to major in it. at that point i'd already dismissed english, anthropology, sociology and i very briefly considered philosophy. i ended up doing quite well in religious studies. i enjoyed the material, i discovered dinah (i'll have to post more about her later), the profs seemed to like me, i liked talking about it with people, and people seemed to like talking about it to me. the faculty was small--okay miniscule. there were 12 religious studies students and the year i graduated so did 8 others. that left 4 to carry the torch. hah!

after i finished the BA and got over my crisis of faith (it's something every religious studies students goes through) i started taking my masters of divinity. it didn't go well. of course i was working full time, had a child living at my house, a spouse that was a student, a mortgage and bills to pay. this led to me taking a course that 'fit the timetable'. bad move. it ended up being an upper level seminar class taught by a prof from the states. i was intimidated (heck, some of the students were minsters already--wtf was i doing in this class). i was scared (i knew nothing of the material they were discussing). i was horrified (one woman kept talking about demons were possessing her clients at a girls group home--how could i be around these people?). i was terrified (the second assignment was to critique an unfinished chapter of the prof's latest book--double wtf?). i was confused (most of the students did not have a religious studies background...they wanted to talk theology, something i knew nothing about. i knew all about Q and Qumran and the Gnostics...not theology). my insecurities went on and on. i wrote some papers (one about dinah, of course), did the critique, and was finding my groove. the prof was very impressed at how well i was doing seeing as how it was my first masters course and he thought i should go to indiana and study at the college he was from. i was thrilled! i was stoked! & then my 10 year relationship ended. my life fell apart. i was sad and depressed. i couldn't focus. i couldn't write the final essay. i got extensions...but still couldn't do it.

my life moved away from church and religion and thelogy and moved towards drinking and smoking and partying. i took the next 2 years off. sure, i attended church and sat on some committees...but my heart wasn't really into it. i got bored and didn't want to go to Council meetings. i mean, how could I? Council was on Wednesday night...that was karaoke night not church night.

then i met steve. we had the whirlwind romance, got pregnant, got married, got old. it was all a blur. i returned to my church and was diligent about attending and helping. it was fun. i was chair of some committees. turned the tables and set things in motion for them. but there was so many politics and sad things that happened that i needed a break. i was glad when we moved and i could attend a new church anonymously. anonymity was wonderful. i could go and listen and sing and reflect and not have to deal with terminating peoples employment, sinking finances, crabby old people, lack of funds, etc.

but now anonymity doesn't seem enough...hence the discerning bit.

so that's the long story of how i got to here. now i have to figure out what it all means to me...and the big guy (girl?) upstairs.

I like to think that we’re already a pretty green family. We recycle. We’ve got a programmable thermostat. We have stacks of reusable bags for grocery shopping. I do the sweater unravelling thing and the plarn.

But still. Often, I worry, are the things we do enough? What kind of world are we leaving for Andrew and for his children and his children’s children? I never used to pay much attention to the Environment. I was never going to have children so it was something that seemed silly to worry about. I was here for a short time, not a long time. Why worry? But now it’s all different. Now parts of me are going to be here for centuries.

I’ve been reading this blog for the last week or so. http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/

It’s all about a man and his wife and child who decide to live for one year without making an impact on the earth. Some of the things seemed crazy at first. Not using straws. Psshaw? Who does that…I love the way straws make pop taste. But then they cut out pop as well. Too much waste in the cans. Using Glass Jars for their portable water bottles. WTF? But really, when you think about all the waste from those timmies cups (especially when they double cup them) and even further then that…why are we still drinking out of plastic bottles (especially with all this new stuff about toxins and platic). The year has finished but they are still practicing their no impact life. It is so inspirational. So wonderful to see people doing that. It really gives me hope that my little family can make changes that will affect the earth and the state of things.

I’m looking into composting right now. There’s so much to learn! Who knew making mud was so complicated? Lol. We’ve go the old cupboard doors from our kitchen reno and I want to make a compost bin. This website http://www.gnb.ca/0009/0372/0003/0001-e.asp has been a great resource. It definitely is Magic! I get giddy thinking that our garbage will be drastically reduced. Everytime I through out carrots that have gone moldy or apples that aren’t eatable I have this knot in my stomach. When did I get so crunchy?

Our plans for the summer (at least my plans for the summer) are to start composting and hang our clothes to dry. I want a laundry line outside but will probably settle for one inside.

I also promise not to turn the air conditioner on…unless it is dreadfully hot. Old habits die hard sometimes.

I'm being featured on a blog! it's a crafty blog and i wrote about unravelling sweaters to use for yarn.

Check it out.

http://www.mscraftyifyourenasty.com/2008/04/love-your-sweaters-frog-way.html

I'm in love with Gail. She's changing our lives. She's changing the way we think. She's brought us the jars. She's become almost idyllic to me.


We just finished Week 1 of 'Changing Our Lives For The better'. It's been tough. It's been easy. It's required quite a bit of talking....about money. That's right. We talked about money (and not just how to spend it).


We've made some financial goals. They're pretty general. They include not using the credit cards, not going into the overdraft, increasing our saving, paying each utility bill in full each month, and increasing our debt repayment. They're doable. this first week went well. We stuck to the jars and didn't go over on groceries or entertainment.


I did get my tax return late last week. But instead of blowing it on food and booze and smokes I made large payments on our utility bills which had beco me quite large as I have this wonderful talent of only paying a portion each month so that we have more money for dining out, booze and smokes.

Being a Grown Up is quite hard.

Yep. That's right folks. I'm bringin' her back. I miss rambling about my life. & I'm sure y'all miss it too.

Right now in my life there are 3 big things going on:

1. Getting Finances Back on Track. Never should 2 spenders marry. NEVER. It leads to financial disarray. It leads to 80% of our income being spent on dining out, booze, and smokes. The last 3 years have been carefree and fun...but alas the party is over. WE ARE ON A DEBT DIET.

2. All Things Crafty. I'm a crafting machine. I like to think about it. I like to do it. I like to talk about it. I like to write about. I'm feeling the craftiness.

3. Discerning a Call. There's this squiggly, niggly feeling at the back of my head that I should be (need to be) doing something different. Like there's a bigger plan for me.

So, that's the plan. Join me. Listen. Read. Comment. Make me feel important.