i realize i haven't posted since friday. i'm having problems staying motivated and staying on the bandwagon. it's so easy to slip off it. i don't even realize i'm doing it. case in point: yesterday at coffee after church they had banana bread. before i knew i'd chowed down on 3 pieces of it. and it wasn't even that good. but i ate it because it was there and cause it's what you do at coffee after church.

S doesn't get it at all. 'you're exercising, you're eating better. it doesn't matter if you have pizza and nachos. you can't let this counting points take over your life.' and it's true (maybe?). sometimes i don't like how thinking about food and and how food in general is consuming my life. if i have some cashews it's the end of the world, i've let myself down if i go out with my friend and get some pizza, i'm going to gain weight if i eat regular cheese. am i sabotaging myself? why am i sabotaging myself? somewhere down in the back of my brain i can't see myself as a skinny person. i can't see myself as anything but fat.

i've got this biggest loser workout dvd and i've used it three times in 2 weeks now. *sigh* i made such a big deal out of ordering and now it's just sitting next to the tv. and it's stupid but i don't want to do the video b/c of the lunges...what a silly thing, huh?

anyways...i'm off to find some reasonably healthy food for breakfast. there's half a jug of milk that needs to be drunk before it goes bad. maybe i'll have some cereal.