just the like the title says, "stouffers lean cuisine--only 4 points!" i had heard that stouffers was putting ww points right on the boxes and i didn't believe it. so last night when i went grocery shopping i scoped out the situation and lo and behold it is true. right there on the side of the box it said--4 pts. so i scooped myself up two ginger chicken and sesame ones. i had one for a snack (maybe dinner, a small dinner anywyas...) and it was good. with a side salad it would rock!

i also bought a ton of fruits and vegetables last night while shopping. now i just have to remember to eat them all before they go bad. and i have to think of fun and creative ways to get S to eat them.

i think tonight i'm going to attempt to make the zero points garden vegetable soup even though i forgot to get the zucchini (but that's okay cause i'm not that big of a zuchini fan). i remember making this recipe once years ago and i wasn't that big of a fan of it. i hope my taste buds have matured.

amazon is estimating that it should arrive between january 30th and january 21. i am so stoked about it. i was reading everyone talk about in on 3 Fat Chicks and it sounds like a great workout!

i'm still doing the stability ball workout but i need something to vary the exercise or else i will get bored...and fast. the women were also raving about this...


that is my next dvd to order. i want to make sure i have a variety of different things to exercise to.

why isn't there an easy way to do this?

why can't there be a magic pill?

why can't i eat teen burgers all day and still be thin?

today was a quiet day. i did my stability ball for dummies. i'm getting better at it, i can do all the exercises now for all of the repititions. i've ate well even though suppertime was rushed. we went to subway and i got a veggie delite sub with cheese and honey mustard. i'm guesstimating that was 15 points. and i ate well all morning and for lunch. i'm very proud of myself.

this morning i stepped on that awful scaled and it read 255 pounds. that is amazing. maybe it's not such an awful scale after all. maybe we can make peace and end the war?

i am feeling so motivated right now!

i got S to read it so i know i wasn't influencing the scale in any way or hoping to see something that wasn't there. i cannot remember the last time the scale went down instead of up or stayed the same. i've heard that this first week is usually a big weight loss b/c of water or whatever and then you slow down, but i don't care. i'm just so happy to see a smaller number!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to run around and update all my tickers and update all the forums i go to.

that's enough ego stroking for now.

last night we went out for supper with S's friend. the plan was to go to applebees. so i went on the internet and checked out the point values for applebees and had 3 or 4 dishes in mind that i could order. i was feeling good about what would be good choices for me to order and what my plan was. well, we get to applebees and the wait is half an hour. so S's friend suggests we go to Pony Corral which is right next door and me not wanting to be a poop, agrees. then all reason went out the window. and i mean out the freakin' window! i got a diet coke (probably the only weight watcher friendly thing i did all evening), clubhouse sandwich (mayo, bacon, turkey, 3 slices of bread, yummy, yummy, yummy though), fries with a ton ketchup (which i don't even really realize i'm putting onto the fries until this morning???), coleslaw (creamy dressing) and some fo steve's riblets (cause he was going to leave leftovers--i had to eat them, i hate wasting food). from what i can figure that was like a 30 point meal. THAT"S WHAT I"M SUPPOSED TO EAT IN A DAY! youzers. no wonder i'm fat.

then we go to play pool at a local joint. i have two beers with clamato juice. another 7ish points. and then when we get home i have a butter tart b/c i rationalize that i've alrady screwed up the day so why bother and i have this last butter tart then it will be gone and i can throw the empty package away? it wasn't even that good of a butter tart. i think that was 10 points. so before i knew it i'd consumed like 55ish points yesterday. YOUZERS.

i need some eating out strategies. i knew that a salad or wrap or chicken stir fry would have been a better food choice, but i just couldn't do it. i convinced myself that a clubhouse was a good for you sandwich (hah!). i conveniently forgot about the mayo and the bacon.

upwards and onwards i go. i've got chicken in tomato sauce cooking for supper tonight...mmmm...

i really am lovin' it. i know you don't believe me, but here's why...

i recently bought a stability ball and was just trying to use it on my own, which wasn't happening. i was trying to look at images from the net and copy them. i'm not that talented. & the video that came with my stability ball isn't really the best. grainy and short and moves way to fast. it reminded me of a bad '70's porn.

so, i went out and got "stability ball workout for dummies" with liz gillies. i've completed the workout twice now and i can REALLY feel it in my body. i'm exercising muscles i forgot i had. it's a 45 mintue workout but it really doesn't feel like it because you're doing 15 different exercises, plus warm up and cool down.

& just to let everyone know, I ACTUALLY SWEATED while doing this workout and it got my heart rate going. i can't recall the last time i actually sweated while working out. she's clear, she goes slow, she reminds you to breathe, they have variations for exercises (either easier or harder). i think it's a great place to start if you have a stability ball and don't quite know what to do with it. & best of all it earned me 3 activity points!

my days are spent in battle with the common, lowly, household scale.

we wage war me and that scale. it lures me into traps where i am forced to weigh myself over and over and over again in the course of a day. only to find that my weight has fluctuated by 5 pounds in one day. sometimes i win and a temporary ceasefire is put in place. the weighing stops temporarily until that scale catches my eye and the dial pulls me towards it, thus ending the ceasefire. the battle begins again.

why do i feel this incessant urge to weigh myself? intellectually i know that weight loss is a slow, slow, agonizingly slow process and i'm not going to see results using the common household scale. but i need that validation for some silly reason.

i've even thought of not having a scale in the house, but that idea sends shivers through my body. it even makes me slightly nauseaus. i am a scale addict.

i want to stand on it right now and see if it's more or less than 259 pounds and then either celebrate and eat a bag of chips or cry and have a glass of water. ack.

i have made a resolve to only weigh myself once a week. i'm thinking it should be a sunday because that was the day that i weighed myself for the blog.

i will only weigh myself once a week.

i promise.

that's right we're re-evaluating already. last night as i was trying to fall asleep and forget the McDonalds mishap i was trying to remember my goals and they were just a-spinning around in my head. exercise how much? use the stability ball when? eat what? drink what? is there another one i'm forgetting? ack.

it makes me think of an elementary school i worked at. this school had three rules. Be Safe. Listen to the Adult. Be Prepared. Nice and easy to remember and those rules applied to everything. i need something like that. i believe i can adhere to the KISS method (keep it simple, stupid). for now Something like..

• i will lose 10 pounds by April 16
• i will join/follow weight watchers by February 16 (i'm still flip-flopping between actually joining or just following the program at home...torn...absolutely torn i am)
• i will exercise every day

maybe this is better? i can remember this: lose weight, follow ww, exercise. it can be my new mantra. lose weight, follow ww, exercise. lose weight, follow ww, exercise.

let's try this again...

this evening i fell victim. i went to safeway and got healthy foods for lunch tomorrow and the day after but then succumbed to McDonalds for supper. i'm not going to say it was S's fault, cause it wasn't, it was my idea. it was sooooo delicious. I try to rationalize this meal by saying (a) it was dirt cheap b/c we had wonderful coupons and (b) i didn't get it supersized.

i've been brainwashed.

what do i want to achieve?

that's the big question, isn't it? what do i want to achieve?

do i make one BIG goal or lots of SMALL goals? do i make some now and re-evaluate in 3 months? i don't want to rush things and say in six months i will lose 100 pounds and wear a size 2, because i know that won't happen. i won't see it happen fast enough and i'll lose interest and i'll get depressed and i'll eat more and i'll gain more weight. blech. not going there again.

see, i have this problem. i've never lost weight before--only gained. there i said it. i've always tried and failed before i've even lost any weight. i'll go hard for 2 or 3 days, a week at the most and then i'll go out and binge and binge and binge and gain and gain and gain. the only time in my life i have ever lost weight was after i gave birth to the babe. i lost 30 pounds in less than a week (he was one BIG baby), now he's seven months old and i've gained 20 pounds of it back.

this is the heaviest i have ever been (minus the pregnancy). it's absolutely disgusting. i have 3 pants that i can fit (one i seriously have to squeeze into, the second one is mat pants, and the last one is about 3 sizes to big for me). barely any of my tops fit anymore, i'm down to about 7 tops (sweaters included) that i can wear. something needs to be done.

so, what do i want to achieve?

after that long preamble i had better say some substantial stuff, right? here goes...

Immediately...

• i will track my food on www.fitday.com
• i will drink my water everyday
• i will eat 3 times a day

In 3 months (by april 18th)...

• i will have joined weight watchers
• i will exercise 3 times a week for half an hour each time
• i will use my stability ball at home 3 times a week for 10 minutes each time
• i will have lost 5 inches (doesn't matter what body part loses)
• i will have lost 10 pounds.

and most importantly...

• i will review these goals weekly to ensure that i am following them and revise if necessary.

there, i did it. i wrote down what i will achieve for 3 months. is it too much? is it too little? are these realistic? unrealistic? i don't want to set myself up for failure, but i also don't want to not challenge myself. i do know i don't want count calories, that is not for me.

p.s. i've put my weight and weight goals in the sidebar. i'm trying to decide if i should put more of them...hmmm...