& I say rule loosely.

I'm currently downloading The Biggest Loser Australia (BLA). It's taken weeks to download and it's about 50 half hour episodes. With all this waiting I'm uber excited to watch the friggin' show. I've decided that while I watch BLA I have to be exercising. Even if it's just walking in place or doing side steps. Dammit, this show is about weight loss and getting active and moving around. It's not about sitting at home and becoming a coach potato, so I'm not going to be a coach potatoe while it's on.

I feel like I should also mention why I'm probably not going to make my gym goal this month. I was sick for a while, we went out of town, once the gym was closed when I wanted to go, and a couple days I was just plain lazy. I am going to make my goal of 12 workouts, but they just won't necessarily be at the gym is all. No worries. I'm not track with the exercise.

I haven't checked in all week and I feel guilty. I think I did okay. I was off program in the beginning of the week and I think I found my way back to being on program.

We went to Mongos tonight for supper. It is so yummy, but it seriously gives me The Rage. It's like being stuck in a traffic jam on the way to a concert for your favorite band and you can see the performance but you can't hear it.

You get stuck in this line with your wonderful raw food that you selected lovingly yourself and you wait, you wait for it to be cooked on the grill. You wait and you wait and you get hungrier and hungrier and then some scumbag goes up the other end of the food station and doesn't wait his turn in line and CUTS you. Yes ladies and gentlemen this is Grade 6 and there's fucking cutsies at the mongolian restaurant. Gah.

& then once you've been cut like 5 times by people who pretend they can't see you, there's a counter where you can put your bowl to wait to be put on the grill. This whole system should work phenomeanlly well EXCEPT for the people who don't move their bowl up the counter and everything gets clogged up and people are holding bowls full of food and yummy sauces and it leaks on their hands and the line does move out of the food station and it all just breaks down. Just moving the fucking bowl already. Pay attention. Look around. See what's happening. Figure out what makes things run smoothly so people don't get the rage and kill someone.

Gah.

261.6 Baby! Oh ya.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but to me it's a lot.

I'm going to the gym tonight and I'm stoked.

Part of me wants to run out and get a new ticker!

Aw man. I've got some kind of itch. I've the got the consumerism itch. I want it all. Car, house, trips, clothes, accesories, small appliances, large appliances. I want it all and I want it now.

Cha-ching, cha-ching baby.

Now, this is much better. Much more positive. Happy. That other skin was bringing me down.

Not much to report. Our car broke and cost a fortune to fix, although now it runs like it's newly made, which is nice. I've been on and off the wagon so much this last week it's not even worth talking about. I went to the Gym tonight. It was nice, I hadn't been all week due to feeling shitty and mostly being unmotivated. I didn't go to work today. My back was sore and I took pain killers and lolled around all morning. I'm feeling better now. Andrew seems to be enjoying his new daycare, although Mommy and Daddy are the ones having problems adjusting. I spent most of the afternoon trying not to do much (b/c I didn't want to aggrevate the back) and I looked and looked for the perfect cottage for us to rent while Steve's parents are here and I didn't have much luck in finding the perfect cabin.

The plans for the weekend? Stay home, be quiet, spend as little money as possible and eat healthy.

We're in Grand Forks this weekend, but I'm staying at the hotel while the baby has his nap so I'm just checking in and making a quick post.

1. We weighed ourselves yesterday. I was 263.5--so basically down 2 pounds from the last disaster of a weigh in.

2. The States is a fabulous place to shop for plus size clothes. I'm loving the selection, the price, and the fact that they're not in 'plus' size sections, they're just in amongst the regular clothes.

3. I tried to go to the gym yesterday (Good Friday) before we left, but the gym was closed. boo.

3. This morning me and my friend went to the little gym the hotel has and i did the eliptical and the treadmill and the recumbent bike for a little bit. Definitely not up to my normal standards or exercise, but good to get the blood moving. We went swimming yesterday and will go again today definitely.

4. Raquel I found the cool new template just by googling 'free blog skins' and going from there. There's a link to the site that I got it from on the side of the blog somewhere...I'm not sure I like this template. Kinda dark, kinda gloomy and it doesn't handle pictures well. I think I'd like to pick something more positive looking.

5. & Best of all...Steve went for an interview a few weeks back for the company that my uncle works for. It was for a shipper/receiver job. We never heard back and Steve felt the interview didn't go well so we just assumed he didn't get the job. I got him to phone my uncle and just ask 'what was up' cause I also know sometimes this comapny is just slow in hiring people. Well apparently they've given the shipper job to someone else, but the interviewer decided that Steve was more suited to another job (a Tech Support job) and has passed his name along for that department instead! My uncle said someone will most likely call sometime this week to proceed further. Pretty cool eh!?!

Just for you I went to the Gym today.

I did not want to go. I wanted to stay home and do nothing and be lazy. But I got up and went. Once I got there it wasn't so bad, I actually might have enjoyed it.

I feel like I have always been overweight. But looking back at pictures from when I was 10-12 years old I realize that I wasn't overweight, I was just normal. In fact, in high school I wasn't really overweight either. It wasn't until I left high school that I started to gain weight. I got a job, I went to school, I lived at home, I had nothing to spend my money on so I ate. I ate out, I ate fast-food (heck, I worked in fast-food), I ate at restaurants, I ate delivery, I ate subs, burgers, nachos, you name it I ate at it and I ate it.

Eating became my 'thing'. It soothed me when relationships ended, it calmed me when I had a test to study for, it made me happy to eat out with friends, it gave me something to do when I was bored, it it was a game to see how much 'free' food I could snatch while working, and it was what you did when you were with family & friends.

Food had always had a special place in my life. My father is a great cook and we used make things together all the time and I always enjoyed the things he made. My family is Ukranian and Polish, so food is always abundant. In fact, it is love. You ate grandma's food to show you loved her and if you didn't, well--then that obviously meant you were mad at her. Friday nights were also wonderful in my food memory. We always went out for supper on Fridays. I remember spending all of Fridays in antipation of eating out. I loved spending time with my parents that way--talking and laughing and eating.

I've tried my share of 'diets'. I can't do them. I suck. End of story.

While I was pregnant with Andrew that was probably when I ate the healthiest. 3 squares, fruits, vegetables, cottage cheese, yogurt, and salads. I couldn't eat anything cooked so ate fresh, raw, wonderful salads. I (mostly) avoided the fast food and bad for you food. I gained quite a bit of weight (like 40 pounds) but Andrew was slightly under 10 lbs, I was incredibly swollen and was at my pre-pregnancy weight within 3 weeks of giving birth. I was so happy! Then slowly the weight started to creep back on...and yet I wasn't pregnant.

So this brings us where we are today. Fat. Morbidly Obese I believe is the correct term. I've recently procured a gym membership. I'm armed with the knowledge of how to eat right. I have the means to lose weight. I just must invited DISCIPLINE into my house as a permanent resident.

I got S to measure me tonight. I haven't done that in a while and I thought it might make me happier then the scale did.

It wasn't pretty.

Here they are though. The first number is today and the number in brackets is from January, 2006 when I started this blog.

Chest -- 49.5 (47.5)
Waist -- 48 (50)
Hips -- 49.5 (51.5)
Arms -- 15 (15)
Thighs -- 27 (26)

Okay this is the down-low. In January, 2006 I was 190 inches. Today, April 1, 2007 I am 190 inches. What does this mean? I'm not sure, but I like that better then the 3 pound fucking gain.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

264.8. That is WAY the fuck up from 262.2

I don't want to weigh myself anymore. I don't want nothing to do with it any more.

I suck.