i learned to cast on, knit, purl, increase 2 ways!, and decrease. apparently i'm an English knitter. i like the sound of that. :P

now, i'm practicing some more and looking for the ideal pattern to make. pattern following is usually my downfall. so right now, i just want to find something uber simple. it's good fun looking at all the stuff i can potentially make.

This weeks plan to keep making good choices and stay on the bandwagon-

• Drink 8 glasses of water a day--maybe this will make me full(er) and to not want to gorge on food everytime FIL mentions how expensive Canada is.
• Walk Home from work 1 day this week--i think about an hours walk, delaying the inevitable of returning home to the land of in-laws where beer flows like water and salad is consumed without dressing.
• Be the best daugther-in-law--I promise to be kind, understanding, patient, wonderful, & senstive for the duration of their stay.

I will do this. I will do this.

ftr--my ILs are not that bad. I'm just an only child who is not used to sharing their space with others and is not used to mumblers.

That is all. :P

PS. This morning I weighed 269.8. I am down 4.2 pounds since January 1st. Slowly but surely!

Today I am filled with the Holy Spirit. The season of Pentecost is upon us. In this moment I can feel right down in my soul what God's Plan is for me. I can't elucidate it but I can feel it. I sense it. He is here speaking to me. There are quiet whispers in my ear. He has set me afire with Pentecost.

Now, what I need to decipher is how to go out into the world and proclaim this fire inside me. That is the hard part. It is easy to hear and accept the Voice, but hardest of all to discern.

For those want to brush up on what Pentecost is, this is the wiki link

This looks very interesting. I might give it a whirl when the ILs leave. Although, I am worried about a) releasing toxins into the air by melting them and b) creating more waste by only using part of another bag for the buckles, straps, etc.

Anyone know about the plastic issue? Anyone know of any ideas on how to us the rest of a bag? If I made shopping store bags ala superstore cloth bags then you don't need buckles?

Toodle Pip indeed

we're teaching andrew how to say his name and address in case he ever gets lost.



he's very good at saying "my name is andrew ourlastname" if we ask him what his name is. but if we ask him where he lives he always responds with "i live outside" sometimes he'll even go on to say "i live on the street outside". once he told us he lives in the trees.



what a monkey.

Alright folks, it's confession time. I am an SOE. I have a huge Sense Of Entitlement. Somehow in my head I can rationalize that I deserve a wonderful house, new cars, to eat out every other day, buy stuff, and go on fabulous weekends away. I'm sad to say that I am one of the main reasons why were a not in a good place financially. I can talk myself into charging nearly anything onto my credit card. I mean, heck, I even briefly considered putting our closing costs for the house onto a credit card.

I find it very dificult to live within our means. I'm always planning something that is just outside our reach and will always put us further in debt. A good example of this is wanting to plan something fantastic for my 30th Birthday. I start thinking about this right when Steve loses his job and we're supposed to be cutting corners? What am I thinking? Why can't I get on track with becoming financially fit?

How did I become an SOE?

This week at life...





1. Steve got offered a job on the spot on Friday! He starts on Tuesday. It's a bit of a pay cut, but i think it won't make much of a difference b/c it'll put him back in the lower tax bracket, y'know. it's a route driver job for a meat company. & best of all the drivers go out alone, so he won't have to deal with silly co-workers. The location is good and the hours are good too. I'm glad the time of unemployment was short and I'm sure being offered a job on the spot was good ego stroking. I would find it.



2. Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my internet friend who is in from out of town. It was a big ol' Hitched day. We started out at the Nook and had a fabulous lunch outside despite the crazy winds. Then we walked to Osborne Village and stopped at Buccacinos to have a Beer. And then we were off shopping at all the neat little stores. We had a darling time M and V. We finished the night off at Carlos N Murphy's with spouses. It was good fun. I'm horribly sunburnt today though--even though I put sunscreen on.



3. Steve's parents arrive next week for their three week vacation here.

So, the big 3-0 is right around the corner for me. I've been trying to decide what I want to do on the momentous occasion. Turning 30 doesn't seem like that big of a deal for me. 25 was the hard year for me. Being in my late twenties was HARD initially. Now, I'm okay with it. I think I will come into my own in my thirties.

The Possibilities:

• Have a big ol' boozing and dancing till 4 in the mornning party with everyone I know. Problem? Everyone I know is old and married with kids on the way. Not exactly the partying type anymore. & do I really want people coming into my house and smoking cigs and smoking up and drinking and making a mess? Not really.


• Go away somewhere fantastic with just Steve. Problem? I know us and we most likely would just end up sititng in the hotel room watching TLC and HGTV (not that there's anything wrong with that...)


• Go away with girlfriends. Problem? I don't share friends. Essentially most of my female friends don't know each other and if they do, they don't get along.


• Go somewhere fun with Steve and Andrew. Problem? Where's fun to go with a family that is not going to cost us mega bucks?

I've never done anything big for my birthdays before (aside from a few big bashes back in the day) and I really want to be able to look back and say I did x, y, & z on my 30th birthday.

If I start saving now can we afford to do something like go to vegas for the weekend or have a romantic getaway in Montreal or escape to tranquility at a luxury cabin in the Whiteshell or go to Grand Forks for the wonderful family waterpark? I'm such a geek b/c now I'm looking forward to researching and planning something. :)

I had my appointment with my shrink today and we both agreed that I'm ready to go down to 1 appointment in June and 1 in July and after that I'll just go to the bi-monthly drop in sessions they have when I feel I need to.

She says that my biggest hurdle will be controlling my reaction when I'm put in the anxiety inducing situation and remembering to implement the strategies I've learned.

I'm so super happy right now! I feel like I could burst. I can't believe that I suffered alone for so long. I can't believe all the crying and fear and loneliness and isolation and moving and rituals and craziness I put up with for 9 long years.

I seriously urge anyone who is plagued by anxiety or fear or compulsions to seek help from the medical community. Get referred to a free anxiety program if that's all you can afford. I waited well over a year to have a spot in the program but the year was totally worth the wait. I have NEVER felt this normal or calm in my life.

Thanks to everyone for being there and supporting me all these years, both online and in real life.