we went out to a party last night and i drank a bottle of wine by myself. and i don't mean one of those little baby bottles of wine. i mean i had a BOTTLE of wine. it was nice and it was lovely and i was piss drunk by the end of the night. i don't want to think how many points all that booze and chips were (did i mention there was chips?), but i haven't drank in like 18 months (since before i was pregnant). there was so much laughter and good talking. i had such a good time.

i got a yoga dvd. it's called 'just my size yoga'. i haven't tried it yet, but i watched a bit of it and it seems like something that i can do. i haven't given yoga a try before but everybody raves about yoga so i thought i'd give it a try. i have another yoga dvd made by gaia but it's very intimidating for someone of my size and inexperience. that's why i was drawn to this 'just my size' dvd. the instructor is a plus sized woman, so you can see how it should look for a heavier size.

i got up this morning and did the BL strength and sculpt workout. i quite like this workout. some of the others are very difficult (it's those damn lunges and squats that do me in), but the s&s seems to be good. i can almost do all the crunches now. (reverse, side to side, and normal). woot! for me!!! then i did the watp one mile walk. i've been wearing ankle weights while i do that watp routines. it seems to help with the intensity. sure makes me feel it!

i'm starting an exercise group at my church and the first night we're meeting is tomorrow night. i'm not sure who all will show up and what their exercise abilities are going to be so i'm not entirely sure what we're going to do. i think for tomorrow i'm going to bring the watp dvd and we'll do the 1 mile workout. that's pretty gentle and adaptable to whatever needs you have. i'm hoping that it starts well and there's lots of people that come out. in the summer i want to be able to plan walks in the park with activities and stuff. i hope it's fun.

it's saturday and it's a beautiful spring day. me and my friend went for an hour walk this morning in the park. it was lovely. i was going to bring my brand new pedometer to count how many steps we went, but the battery was friggin' dead this morning. ugh. i want to take it back, but are they going to accept it if it's only a dead battery?

some things i was going over in my mind:

i have to remember that when i started this trip i weighed 259 pounds. i know weigh (as of yesterday morning) i weighed 245 pounds. that is a 14 pound loss. i have to remember what i've already lost, instead of constantly focusing on how much more i have to lose.

i have lost 14 pounds.

i am exercising nearly everyday for at least 20 minutes, sometimes an hour.

i am watching what i'm eating (to a degree, there's still binging going on, but not nearly as much as there used to be).

i am eating 3 meals a day. something i haven't done since i was like 10 years old. this in itself is something i'm so proud of.

this will be a slow lifelong process. i know this, i just have to keep reminding myself. it will not go away--ever. eating properly and adequate exercise are lifelong commitments.

today the scale said 245 pounds. i wish it said less. i'm glad it didn't say more. i'm surprised that it isn't a higher number considering my stupidity of the last week.

oh well. i'm going to go to weight watchers on tuesday and their scale will probably say something completely different. i don't want to weigh over 250 pounds again. that worries me.

i've gone for very long walks (in total 160 minutes of walks).

i've eaten three meals a day.

i've drank all my water.

i've not had a cigarette.

i've done everything right.

except for eating those 2 chocolate bars.

except for eating half of the pringles.

except for having that half a beer.

except for putting butter on my bun.

i'm currently dreaming about having popcorn. microwaved popcorn. mmmmmm....it's calling to me. can't you hear it? 'eat me, eat me, eat me. i'm so yummy and greasy and wonderful.'

it's smart pop popcorn so i just might go and devour it.

**update**
two things

it's late and i'm not tired and i'm munching away on a bag of smart pop popcorn. it's quite enjoyable and i don't feel guilty at all b/c after i made today's post i went and did the strength and sculpt BL workout AND then i did the 1 mile watp walk.

i stepped on the scale earlier today and it said 245...i hope it goes down by tomorrow so that i can at least have maintained throughout this craziness.

i have some questions about weight watchers and would really appreciate it if anybody could give me some answers so i know what to expect (sortof).

• what do you do at these meetings?
• how long do they last?
• how does the weigh in work?
• how does my goal weight get picked?
• once i've registered do i have to keep going to that same time (cause there's like six different meeting times at this one location)
• what do i get????

that's about all i can think of. i'm going to take this slow. if i've learned anything from my wonderful and wacky weight loss journey is that when i take things too fast i flounder and give up and gain more weight and end up feeling 10 times more disgusted with myself.

the only thing that's making me not break down and cry about last week is the fact that i am still under my starting weight. phew.

i almost forgot to ask, 'is it wrong to bring the baby to these ww meetings?' i can leave the baby with S but my hopeful plan is to walk to these meetings and i love to take the baby for walks. (the air does him in) obviously if the meeting is 2 hours long i wouldn't bring him, but if it's like half an hour it would be okay, right? or not? someone let me know, i don't want to commit a ww faux pas.

My first oficial meeting of weight watchers will be next tuesday at 7:30 pm. i know that going to these meetings are soemthing that will only do me good but i'm still terrified of going there by myself. and of course the lady wasn't much help when i called the 800 number. she started spewing off times and locations faster than i could write them down. there was even an audible sigh when i asked how much ww cost. i would have thought that the person answering the phone would have done some encouragement. something like, "weight watchers, congratulations you've taken the right step to a healthier you" or "weight watchers, x speaking, can i help you to find a meeting in your area?". something postive, anything positive instead of "weight watchers, x speaking". i'm so not a fan of poor customer disservice.

in the mean time i'm going to exercise every day and eat 3 meals a day in preperation for this. i'm not quite ready to go back to counting points again.

sigh. back to step one. i pretty much took all of last week off and to tell the truth i didn't really feel very most nights. too much crap and junk.

i called weight watchers this morning and have found the location of the meeting closest to me and how much it costs. i got a wicked awesome tax return so i'm thinking of using a portion of that to join ww and buy a bunch of weeks. i realize i need the in person support that a meeting would bring. S and the internet just aren't cutting it.

on the plus side i'm organizing an exercise group at my church. we're going to meet monday nights and to start with do some 'sweatin' to the oldies' or 'walk away the pounds'. eventually when it's nicer i would like to go walking in the park.

&

my friend and i are going to go walking/jogging every saturday morning. we went last week and walked for just over an hour and it didn't even feel like it at all!

&

me and same friend as saturday morning have signed up for an exercise class that starts in april on wednesday nights.

i just needed a little kick in the butt i guess.

the totally terrific thrusday did not end well. hubby went out with the father in law tonight and i was bored and started eating baked lays with cheese melted on top of them. my rationale? well, they're baked lays and the cheese is low fat. where's the roll eyes emoticon when i need one?

then hubby comes home with a&w. specifically a mozza burger combo for me. i love him to pieces and i gobbled it down right away. even the root beer.

i think i'm going to take a break from the ww thing for a few days. try and sort my head out. eat whatever. se how i feel. i'm still going to exercise though.

the totally terrific thursday is progressing well.

food today:

cottage cheese and pineapples-3 points
cheerios and skim milk--6 points
roast beef, mashed potatoes and pasta salad--17 points

26 points total

i haven't exercised yet, but i plan to during survivor.

i just hope the baby stays sleeping.

i have decided that today is going to be a totally terrific thursday. i am going to exercise, make wise food decisions and drink my water today. no matter what!

tomorrow is weigh in day. i'm not to optimistic about it. i haven't eaten properly all week and when i have illegaly stepped on the scale it's said not so nice things (5 pounds up, maintain, 4 pounds up, 2 pounds up--up, up, up, all up, grrrr). i know i have no one to blame but myself, but still...i'm so used to blaming other things that it's hard to stop.