This morning I am thinking about the word Faith. One of the exercises in a book I'm reading is to think about "what words or images, whether positive or challenging, do you associate with the word Faith? Explore the feelings that they evoke and some of the experiences attached to them"

When I see the word Faith I think of someone that is unwavering in their Faith. They always know what the believe and what they believe in. They are able to answer questions about their faith and they are able to suffer scrutiny from others about their faith. Because of their faith they are able to always do the right thing and say the right thing.

Is Faith a positive term for me? It is my mother's name. I do think of faith and see my mother in my head and I hear her voice and I can feel her hugs and I can smell her perfume. Faith is MATERNAL for me. Faith is about mothers and love and support and encouragement and home. It's true, faith = home for me.

& while faith can equal home for me, it is not necessarily fact that I feel that I have faith. I feel at home in a house of faith (both ways!), but I often feel that I lack faith. I don't have the answers, I don't know the questions, I can't elucidate what I do feel/think, I am hesitant to share, I am slow to act, and I never evangelize.

My study book asks if my understanding of faith has changed over the years...and I am not sure how to answer this question. My immediate reaction is of course it has changed. In all aspects of my life I have changed. I grew up, I learned more, I went to University, I studied Religious Studies, I have read many books, I have listened to many Preachers, I partied and experienced life, I got married, I had a child, and on and on. I have changed so much in my 31 years. But has God and my understanding of God? Has it changed? I still question the same things I did as a young child, "Why can't we see God?", "Where is God", "Why is there bad/evil/disaster/suffering in the world?", "Why do we go to church/study the bible?". I may have added some more now as an adult and I may use bigger words, but really it is all still the same question..."Does God exist?", "& What does God want from me/us?" So, has it really changed? I'm not sure. Has it changed because my small little seed of faith is still there and while some days it grows, some days it shrinks back to a seed, like the seed of faith of a child? Is this change or simply inflation/deflation? I'm still not sure. But--I keep trying. I don't give up. I am still looking for answers and I am still looking for questions. I am still challenging myself.

I am still journeying.

Peace,
~dinah

PS. I see that this was mostly Faith, more to come later about Spirituality (if I don't run out of time).